IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general.

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There is no denying the fact that personal amusement is among the most important factors that help a
person
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 get rid of the nervous pressure he may suffer from.
This
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 essay will discuss the reason why hardly anyone allocates some
time
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 to do their
hobbies
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 and what influence
this
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 has on the
people
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 in the community.
To begin
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 with, there are many reasons for
people
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 spending less
time
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 on
hobbies
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.
Firstly
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,
life
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 becomes expensive.
Therefore
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, the
person
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 has to work the majority of the day.
In other words
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,
people
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 must work to provide a decent
life
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 for themselves and their families.
In addition
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, the pressure of these responsibilities will absolutely make them feel depressed, lonely, and tired.
For example
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, after work, going to home, get some rest, eat, and spend
time
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 with family,
then
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 sleep.
This
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 routine has no amusement. If the individual lives a
life
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 without having fun, that may end badly for them and for their society. In terms of how influence doing
hobbies
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 in
people
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's lives, in my opinion, I believe that the
person
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 who has a hobby looks at
life
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 in a positive way. It is
also
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 possible to say that
hobbies
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 open doors to meet other
people
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 with the same interests.
Moreover
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, to learn new skills a
person
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 may not imagine that he is able to do them.
For instance
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, trying new
hobbies
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 will encourage you to be fun and
this
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 will reflect positively on your health. In conclusion, there are many reasons to spend
time
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 with your
hobbies
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. It is
also
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 true that affects your
life
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 in a good direction.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and provides reasonable explanations for why fewer people devote time to hobbies. To enhance this further, add more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay generally lacks a variety of cohesive devices, which affects the flow. Incorporate more linking words to clearly connect your ideas and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve clarity. Occasionally, multiple ideas seem clustered in one paragraph, such as in the first body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction and presents a structured argument.
task achievement
Your writing tone remains suitable and formal throughout the essay.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Devote time
  • Hobbies
  • Nowadays
  • Busy
  • Fast-paced
  • Lifestyles
  • Work and career
  • Technology
  • Digital entertainment
  • Limited
  • Free time
  • Lack of motivation
  • Mental wellbeing
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Decreased
  • Social interactions
  • Creativity
  • Self-expression
  • Negative effects
  • Society
What to do next:
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