Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar ,which causes many health problems .Sugary products shoud be mad more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar . do you agree or disagree ?

Many fast
food
companies contain a large amount of
sugar
in their
products
which causes many
health
issues
. Some
people
believe that the price of sugary
products
needs to be increased so that
people
consume less amount of
sugar
. I disagree with the statement because I believe that the
government
need to implement policies in order to control
sugar
and needs to educate
people
regarding how bad is
sugar
for your
health
.
To begin
with, the fast
food
industry uses
sugar
as a key ingredient in their
products
in order to make
food
tasty so that many
people
consume it and demand more .
Therefore
, the
government
should implement the policies in which
food
companies should make sugary
products
in order to take into consideration human
health
.
For example
,coke introduced an alternative product which is
diet
Capitalize word
Diet
show examples
Coke because it has less
sugar
content
while
drinking it.
In addition
, the
government
should educate the
people
about the bad effects of consuming high amounts of
sugar
. If
people
know the main reason behind
health
problems
such
as diabetes , and high blood pressure is high amounts of
sugar
then
people
stop buying sugary drinks and
food
.
For example
, many
people
aware of
health
issues
through
government
posts on social media and it provides a message for how to stay fit in the long run. In conclusion , Big manufacturers of drinks and
food
consume high amounts of
sugar
in their
food
products
which is the main reason for
health
issues
. I believe that
instead
of increasing the price of sugary
products
, the
government
should create policies so that big companies take
people
's
health
as the main consideration
while
making
products
and states should educate
people
about
health
issues
they get with these kinds of
food
products
.
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on

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task achievement
Your introduction sets the context for the argument clearly, but it can be enhanced by explicitly stating what your essay will cover. Consider briefly mentioning the main points of your argument in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could be improved by presenting a clearer logical progression of ideas. Try to use transition words and phrases more effectively to connect your ideas and create a smoother flow.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, they can be more specific and detailed to better support your points. Include data, studies, or real-world examples where possible to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and develops it fully. Avoid combining multiple points in one paragraph as this can cause confusion and dilute your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task prompt effectively, providing a clear position and relevant explanations.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps give your essay a complete structure.
task achievement
Your arguments about government policies and education are well-reasoned and provide a solid foundation for your disagreement with the statement.
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