Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar ,which causes many health problems .Sugary products shoud be mad more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar . do you agree or disagree ?
Many fast
food
companies contain a large amount of sugar
in their products
which causes many health
issues
. Some people
believe that the price of sugary products
needs to be increased so that people
consume less amount of sugar
. I disagree with the statement because I believe that the government
need to implement policies in order to control sugar
and needs to educate people
regarding how bad is sugar
for your health
.
To begin
with, the fast food
industry uses sugar
as a key ingredient in their products
in order to make food
tasty so that many people
consume it and demand more . Therefore
, the government
should implement the policies in which food
companies should make sugary products
in order to take into consideration human health
. For example
,coke introduced an alternative product which is diet
Coke because it has less Capitalize word
Diet
sugar
content while
drinking it.
In addition
, the government
should educate the people
about the bad effects of consuming high amounts of sugar
. If people
know the main reason behind health
problems such
as diabetes , and high blood pressure is high amounts of sugar
then
people
stop buying sugary drinks and food
. For example
, many people
aware of health
issues
through government
posts on social media and it provides a message for how to stay fit in the long run.
In conclusion , Big manufacturers of drinks and food
consume high amounts of sugar
in their food
products
which is the main reason for health
issues
. I believe that instead
of increasing the price of sugary products
, the government
should create policies so that big companies take people
's health
as the main consideration while
making products
and states should educate people
about health
issues
they get with these kinds of food
products
.Submitted by kmlchahal97 on
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task achievement
Your introduction sets the context for the argument clearly, but it can be enhanced by explicitly stating what your essay will cover. Consider briefly mentioning the main points of your argument in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could be improved by presenting a clearer logical progression of ideas. Try to use transition words and phrases more effectively to connect your ideas and create a smoother flow.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, they can be more specific and detailed to better support your points. Include data, studies, or real-world examples where possible to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and develops it fully. Avoid combining multiple points in one paragraph as this can cause confusion and dilute your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task prompt effectively, providing a clear position and relevant explanations.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps give your essay a complete structure.
task achievement
Your arguments about government policies and education are well-reasoned and provide a solid foundation for your disagreement with the statement.