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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to s3x and age. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to s3x and age. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
#graphs #show #music #albums #people #britain #x #age #report #university #lecturer #information
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The bar charts illustrate the various types of
music
Use synonyms
 albums bought by Britain's citizens
according to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 and gender.
Overall
Linking Words
, the widest proportion of
buyers'
Change noun form
buyers
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 which
purchases
Correct subject-verb agreement
purchase
show examples
 pop and rock
music
Use synonyms
 albums
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 to mature people. It
therefore
Linking Words
 can be seen that male
subscribes
Replace the word
subscribers
show examples
 are dominated
than
Change preposition
by
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. Looking at the information in detail, there are the same
trands
Correct your spelling
trends
 between the two groups of
music
Use synonyms
 where people
in
Change preposition
aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 25 to 34 become the largest consumers followed by young citizens
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 16 to 24 years old. Elderly inhabitants tend to be less attractive with the total percentage of buyers
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
just below 10% over the two categories of
music
Use synonyms
arts
Correct word choice
and arts
show examples
. Another noticeable thing is
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 seems to avoid
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 is proved by the number of subscribers which
just
Add a missing verb
is just
show examples
 under 20% for respective pop and rock
music
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, male listens the songs more often with slightly below 30% of
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
comes
Wrong verb form
coming
show examples
 from
Linking Words
thus
Correct your spelling
this
show examples
 gender.
Submitted by hikmanurdin04 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words music, age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph representation
  • categorized
  • predominant
  • disparities
  • similarities
  • age-related preferences
  • noticeable trends
  • age brackets
  • wider appeal
  • demographics
  • speculate
  • resurgence
  • vinyl records
  • digital streaming
  • music genres
  • albums purchases
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