IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that older people should live with their adult children. Others say that they shouldn't. Which do you think is good practice.

#people #adult #children #shouldn #practice
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One of the topics in daily
life
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 is whether or not
the
Correct article usage
apply
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older
people
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 should live with their
adult
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children
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. My answer is the question is that it is better for them not to. 　　
Firstly
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,
people
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 of different ages have different ways of
life
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. The old
people
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 like a quiet, peaceful and regular
life
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whereas
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 the young prefer noises, activities and unrestrained enjoyment. If they live together,
old
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the old
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 may feel that they are always disturbed and the young may feel that they are often handicapped. 　　
Secondly
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,
people
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 of different generations have different views and values. What is quite normal to the
parents
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 may seem to be old-fashioned or wrong to the
children
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. When they live together, they may disagree on matters ranging from minor domestic matters to national and international issues.
Consequently
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, family
life
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 may be unpleasant or even unbearable to both the old and the young. 　　
Last
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 but not
the
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apply
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least,
adult
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children
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, like their
parents
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, love independence and freedom, but their
parents
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 still
take
Verb problem
treat
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 them as
children
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 and unintentionally interfere in their affairs. The situation will be worse if the
adult
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children
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 are already married. In
this
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 case, the
children
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 have already built a new and closed world and any outside interference may lead to conflicts. 　　From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that if the
parents
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 and their
adult
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children
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 do not live together, both the old and the young can enjoy complete independence and freedom, live a
life
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 they like, and keep
intact
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apply
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their affections for each other.
Submitted by Phigros666 on

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task achievement
To enhance your essay, consider supporting each of your main points with more specific examples or evidence. This will make your arguments more convincing and relevant.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure smoother transitions between points. For instance, using transition phrases like 'moreover,' 'in addition,' or 'on the other hand' can improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a logical flow of ideas. You have provided a strong introduction and conclusion, which frame your arguments well.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively by discussing both viewpoints and clearly stating your position. The main points are well-developed and coherent.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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