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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free times. This can benefit teenagers and benefit the community as well. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#people #teenagers #community #work #times #benefit
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Some argue that encouraging young learners to participate in voluntary efforts in their local areas after school or during holidays can benefit both parties. Personally, I completely agree with
this
 assertion.
To begin
 with, engaging in unpaid community service has numerous positive effects on teenagers' personal development.
Firstly
, it is an effective method for the younger generation to develop practical abilities,
such
 as communication, problem-solving, and collaboration skills—skills they have fewer opportunities to learn in a classroom setting.
For example
, volunteering outside of school usually requires interaction with individuals from various age groups and diverse backgrounds.
Conversely
, when young people engage in tasks at school, they typically communicate only with their teachers and peers, which may present fewer challenges.
Moreover
, voluntary service in a real-world environment allows youngsters to apply the knowledge they have acquired, helping to deepen their understanding and positively impact their academic performance.
Furthermore
, by assisting those in need, adolescents can gain a sense of accomplishment, which helps them appreciate the value of their education.
On the other hand
, the involvement of teenagers in
such
 initiatives can equally benefit local areas.
For instance
, their participation can provide sufficient manpower to organize and deliver more community events, benefiting a larger number of residents.
Additionally
, certain groups,
such
 as elderly individuals living alone, often appreciate the company of young people, especially when dealing with feelings of loneliness and isolation. With companionship, these individuals tend to experience improved physical and mental well-being.
Finally
, cooperation between local adults and younger participants fosters a more harmonious atmosphere, which is crucial for building more united and caring neighbourhoods. In conclusion, I believe that motivating young learners to become deeply involved in their local areas is a commendable idea, offering significant advantages to both sides.
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task achievement
Ensure that every paragraph delivers specific, tangible examples to support broader arguments. This minor tweak will add depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a varied range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs further. Though the coherence and cohesion are very good, diverse linking words can add richness.
task achievement
The essay presents clear, comprehensive ideas and arguments, demonstrating a deep understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported, contributing to the overall clarity and persuasiveness of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is excellent, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining the reader's engagement and understanding throughout.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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