IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some individuals say that the main environmental issue of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#individuals #time #loss #species #plants #animals
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Whilst many
Correct word choice
Many
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 think that the loss of types of animals and plants is the main environmental issue. I believe that there are more crucial problems for the environment. On the one hand, the loss of species of animals and plants is an important issue for the environment.
During
Change preposition
Over
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 the decades, a myriad of types of trees and animals
are
Verb problem
have
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disappearing
Wrong verb form
disappeared
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 from the ground because of global warming and people.
This
Linking Words
 can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
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 to serious
issues
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as food shortages in the future, and deterioration in the health of the population on the planet.
For example
Linking Words
, by the research of the UN in the
last
Linking Words
 years numerous pets died out,
hence
Linking Words
 now only 40 species of pets are used in agriculture for meat. It means that in the near
future
Add a comma
future,
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 it can induce a reduction in food.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they are more another more essential amplified
issues
Use synonyms
 which can not wait. Now scientists from all over the world are trying to find a way out from global warming,
greenhouse
Correct article usage
the greenhouse
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 effect and ocean pollution.
Issues
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as these are causing individuals, so they are
on
Change preposition
at
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 the top of the list of ecological
issues
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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,
by
Change preposition
according to
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 the report of climatologist Justin Mankin, big countries
such
Linking Words
 as Saudi Arabia and Mauretania suffer from severe drought owing to global warming. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there is a huge problem in biodiversity, there are ample
of
Change preposition
apply
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more main habitat problems in our time. In my point of view, nowadays global warming and water shortage are the main problems more than biodiversity which can wait.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
The essay addresses both views but could provide more balanced and detailed arguments for each side. Make sure to develop each point fully.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and punctuation to enhance readability. Some sentences are slightly fragmented or unclear. Focus on creating smoother transitions between ideas.
task achievement
You have effectively provided a conclusion that summarizes your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the two views being discussed, setting the stage for the subsequent discussion.
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