Some people say that main reason to be happy in lif eis to have lot of money. How might having money make people happy ? What the other things in life can make people happy ?
Several
people
think,
Remove the comma
apply
money
is the one of
solution Change preposition
apply
solve
Fix the infinitive
to solve
problem
and more Fix the agreement mistake
problems
money
more
glad. Add a missing verb
is more
This
essay will discuss about
how Remove the preposition
apply
have
Wrong verb form
having
pots
of money
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
people
happy and what the other thing to
be glad.
In Add a missing verb
is to
this
modern era, everything need
Change the verb form
needs
money
even though from small thing
, Fix the agreement mistake
things
money
is
Verb problem
has
big
impact Add an article
a big
in
daily life. Buy food Change preposition
on
is need
Wrong verb form
needs
money
, being
healthy Correct word choice
and being
need
it too, Verb problem
requires
for example
, a
person Correct word choice
if a
got
Verb problem
has
troble
Correct your spelling
trouble
about
Change preposition
with
healthy
they Replace the word
health
do
not know what is that deases, to know it they must go to the doctor for consultation and for sure Correct subject-verb agreement
does
that is
need Verb problem
they
money
to pay it
.
Change preposition
for it
In addition
, people
needs and wants can be Change noun form
people's
complite
with Correct your spelling
complete
pots
of money
, that is
why nowadays society said
Wrong verb form
says
money
is everything, and the way to be happy is have
Change the verb form
to have
having
lot
of Change the article
a lot
money
. Several people
can be glad if their wants can be realized, for instance
, they
Correct word choice
if they
want
buy a luxury car, how it can be if they do not have Add the particle
want to
pots
of money
?.
Change the punctuation
?
That is
why to be happy need it.
However
, to be glad is not always by lot of money
, some people
who do not have it can be happy even without pots
of money
. For example
, poor people
can be joyfull
even without more Correct your spelling
joyful
money
. In my opinion, the other thing to be glad is
thanks for what we have, maybe Change preposition
of is
money
can purchase a house but not a home, can buy food but not appertie
.
in conclusion, to be happy is not only about Correct your spelling
appetite
money
, we can more be glad if we thanks
for what we have.Wrong verb form
are thankful
Submitted by arniaqlina44 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your essay more logically. Use clear paragraphing: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Provide clear, specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Work on your grammar and vocabulary. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure to ensure your ideas are clearly communicated.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the question. While you discussed the role of money and other aspects of happiness, expanding on more specific details could improve your response.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to address both parts of the question, discussing how money can make people happy and other factors that contribute to happiness.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion clearly summarizes your main points, which helps to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
You provide some relevant examples, such as the need for money in healthcare and buying luxury items.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.