IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?

#people #house #apartment
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It has been argued that living in an apartment is preferable,
while
 others think that residing in a
house
 is a more convenient choice.
Although
 people living in conventional houses might have to deal with
security
 issues, I think they will gain more advantages
due to
 the fact that
house
 sizes are usually bigger than those of
apartments
.
Security
 concerns can be one of the major drawbacks of the
house
-dwelling option. Unlike apartment residents, traditional homeowners have to pay a lot of attention to their safety because their homes are constructed without any
security
 system.
For instance
, many homes in Phnom Penh city are built on the owners’ private lands;
as a result
, they have to hire private
security
 guards to safeguard their residences.
However
, I believe that choosing the right location to build a heaven
home
 would fix the problem, and there are more benefits that homes can offer that the
apartments
 cannot. The main advantage of living in a
home
 is that it usually has bigger
spaces
, which is more suitable for people with a big family size. Provided that there is an additional member moving in, the
house
 owners are able to renovate their
home
 or even add an entire floor to create more
spaces
 for living,
whereas
 it is impossible for apartment residents to extend their living.
For
this
 reason, many Vietnamese extended families tend to choose houses over
apartments
, simply because they can have more liveable
spaces
.
Thus
, I think there are more positive than negative aspects of living in a traditional
home
. In conclusion,
although
 there might be some drawbacks,
such
 as
security
 issues when choosing to live in a
house
, I think the benefits outweigh the downsides as people can enjoy more
spaces
 that conventional houses can offer than those of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
apartments
.
Submitted by emteeme on

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task achievement
To further enhance your essay, consider providing a more balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages of living in a house and an apartment to strengthen your argument. This will also reflect a more comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
When discussing security concerns, explicitly link back to how choosing the right location can mitigate these issues. This will reinforce the coherence of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to improve readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
To enhance cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases and pointers that guide the reader through your arguments. This ensures smooth flow between points and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively presented a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well.
task achievement
Your essay generally offers a complete response to the question, with well-organized and clear main points.
task achievement
You have provided specific examples, such as those related to homes in Phnom Penh and Vietnamese extended families, which strengthen your arguments and make your points more relatable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • privacy
  • outdoor activities
  • gardening
  • customization options
  • renovate
  • structural changes
  • investments
  • appreciation/depreciation
  • maintenance costs
  • utility costs
  • security features
  • gated entries
  • surveillance systems
  • shared amenities
  • community centers
  • suburban
  • rural areas
  • commutes
  • urban centers
  • public transport
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