IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, the government invests a significant amount of money in the arts, including music. Some people argue that this funding should be redirected to other areas such as education and healthcare. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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in the contemporary modern world, diverse aspects of
art
Use synonyms
 have been held more attention by
people
Use synonyms
 in comparison to previous decades; In different parts of the world, a considerable amount of countries budget is dedicated to the
art
Use synonyms
 sector,
while
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 there is a
group
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 who opines that
such
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money
Use synonyms
 should be devoted for more crucial sectors
such
Linking Words
 as organizations which are associated to the health and education. I do not agree with
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
's perspective and
this
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 argument will be discussed in the following paragraphs. as mentioned above, some
people
Use synonyms
 express that devoting funding to the
art
Use synonyms
 industry including music, films, paintings and some others is an unnecessary action
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that there are more vital issues which should be focused
.
Change preposition
on.
show examples
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 these
group
Use synonyms
's viewpoint, dedicating more amount of
money
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 to
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
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 system -the funding which is redirected from the
art
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 sector- will provide a wider enhancement field for diagnosing and curing ailments.
Accordingly
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, they claim that costing more
in
Correct your spelling
an
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 educational system will bear more advantageous points for society; more experts and scholars will be available for the future of the country,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 issue which will cause more progress in various areas.
However
Linking Words
, the most important aspect of
art
Use synonyms
 which is cultural heritage has been ignored in
this
Linking Words
 notion; the cultures and customs of each nation are mostly demonstrated by their
pantings
Correct your spelling
paintings
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, handicrafts and music,
hence
Linking Words
 it should be a great budget for maintaining them. Others and I,
in addition
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, have a point of view which
proposed
Wrong verb form
proposes
show examples
 that
art
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 has a significant place in
people
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's lives and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cannot be counted as a trivial item.
For example
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,
according to
Linking Words
 some investigations treatment with music is one of
substantial
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the substantial
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 therapeutic ways
in
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for
show examples
 mental diseases
such
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 as depression,
thus
Linking Words
 it is vital to compose some pieces for
such
Linking Words
 treatment;
this
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 subject will require
a
Remove the article
apply
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specified funding for developing more accurate procedures.
Besides
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, some
people
Use synonyms
's incomes and occupations are dependent
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
art
Use synonyms
 industry by diminishing
such
Linking Words
 sector, their career will be at risk.
Therefore
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,
this
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 issue will bear more fundamental problems for the government; if artists cannot earn a good living,
country
Add an article
the country
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 will be in charge of providing their initial requirements. In conclusion, nowadays, authorities spend a great amount of
money
Use synonyms
 on the
art
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 department, a matter which is exorbitantly and unrequited
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
's perspective; they cite that
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 should be transmitted to other essential departments. I am not of
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
's opinion as all areas should have their own funding for
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
.

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, addressing the prompt directly and ensuring a structured response.
supported main points
The argument against redirecting funding from the arts to healthcare and education is well presented, incorporating thoughtful reasoning and supporting examples.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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