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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010.

The chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010.
The bar chart
provide
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provides
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 information about the number of British people that consume the recommended and
adviced
Correct your spelling
advised
 regular amount of fruit and
vegatables
Correct your spelling
vegetables
 between 2002, 2006 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, In 2006, Women were the largest contributors
of
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to
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 taking care of their health
by
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apply
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around 32 per cent of the population,
While
Linking Words
 men participated the least at about 28% . In detail,
In
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At
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 the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
, The men category comprised about 22% of the citizens who consumed the average amount of healthy food,
While
Linking Words
 the women group were
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
slight
Change the word
slightly
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 higher by approximately 25%.The percentage of British males witnessed a modest decline
throught
Correct your spelling
throughout
through
 the
period
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,
whereas
Linking Words
, The level of
Brit
Correct your spelling
British
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 females experienced a sharp increase starting from 25% in 2002 to 32% in 2006, Before receding to 27%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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 .
However
Linking Words
, The ratio of the
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 in the UK saw a
slightly
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slight
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 variation during the
nine year
Add a hyphen
nine-year
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period
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 rising from 11%
in
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at
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 the start to exactly 16% in 2006, before falling back to 14%
at the end
Linking Words
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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