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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #work #move #friends #families #development
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It is often argued that finding a job motivates
people
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 to
move
Use synonyms
 away from their family and friends.
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
My opinion, I completely believe
this
Linking Words
 has many advantages and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay will explain why.
Firstly
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who want to work in their own field of interest have to
move
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 away from their family and friends.
That is
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 to say, most communities are unable to find jobs near their places,
however
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, most of the jobs are available in other cities and overseas. So, if someone wants to work in their field they have to keep the option to
move
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 out.
For instance
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, employers in developed countries like Australia and Canada pay more wages to the employees
whereas
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, in developing countries like Nepal and India, employees are paid competitively less salary.
This
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 is another reason
people
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move
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 out for a better salary.
Secondly
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, migrating to another place not only gives the option for a better workplace but
also
Linking Words
 gives the knowledge about different cultures and technology.
That is
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 to say,
people
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 who travel to different places have more understanding of cultures rather than those who have been working in the same place for a long time. As an illustration, some studies reveal that 40% of
people
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move
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 away from family and friends in search of a new culture and a better workplace, where they can earn more and it keeps them motivated as well.
To sum up
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, I believe
people
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 have more advantages in their careers and finances when they
move
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 out of their birthplace.
Submitted by sateezg on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points, which will make your argument stronger.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay with clear paragraphing and use a variety of linking words to improve flow.
Coherence & Cohesion
You did well in providing a clear introduction and conclusion that bookends your essay effectively.
Task Achievement
Your argument is clear, and you've made a strong case for the advantages of moving away for work.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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