IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Task 2 There is more and more outrage and anger common in society today. Why is this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

#outrage #anger #society #development
Presently, human behaviour
are seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 to be changing drastically. Emotions like
anger
 and hate towards
people
has
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have
show examples
 become very common
amongst
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our society.
Due to
 that, there are incidents where outrage
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 very serious
anger
 is clearly
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
.
Overall
, there is a list of these problems but the main reasons are hate towards others achievement,
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 disparity and injustice towards Crime victims.
Hence
,
this
 essay will discuss my
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
 with relevant
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 in the upcoming paragraphs. The primary cause of
anger
 could be
competiton
Correct your spelling
competition
 and peer pressure. As observed, nowadays competition is in each and every
feild
Correct your spelling
field
.
People
 build up their
anger
 on a level that they want to defeat everyone who
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
surronded
Correct your spelling
surrounded
them
Change preposition
by them
show examples
.
Pressure
Add an article
The pressure
show examples
of achieving
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to achieve
show examples
 something in their lives is commonly seen within
middel
Correct your spelling
middle
 and lower range
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
. To exemplify, maintaining livelihood, earning better money to
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their own needs and to live a luxurious life has become a dream for these
people
.
Besides
 that, not getting any closer to these set of goals boils their blood into jealousy,
haterage
Correct your spelling
hatred
 and
anger
 towards
people
. There are various incidents where humans
burstout
Correct your spelling
burst out
 their emotions on several mediums
such
 as social media via
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
 and
twitter
Capitalize word
Twitter
show examples
 as negative comments are passed or said with their personal opinions on a public platform where they think that they can provoke or hurt anyone they don't like.
However
, there are
also
 situations where the emotions are outraged for the betterment of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Citizens
fighting
Wrong verb form
fight
show examples
 in favour of the suffered victims of some serious
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
such
 as rape,
assualt
Correct your spelling
assault
 and
murders
Fix the agreement mistake
murder
show examples
.
People
 support
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 are not able to get justice for themselves, they fight with
such
 rage so the
suffered
Replace the word
suffering
show examples
 victims can get
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 rights and the guilty ones should be given their punishments.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are positive outcomes seen
due to
 the issue of
anger
 within individuals it cannot be compared that the negative outcomes
aremore
Correct your spelling
are more
 and are
harmful
Correct quantifier usage
more harmful
show examples
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 the
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
 and the nation.
Thus
, no
such
 positive development can occur
due to
 these multiple circumstances happening in our
surrondings
Correct your spelling
surroundings
.
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task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, presenting reasons for the increase in outrage and anger in society and addressing whether this is a positive or negative development. However, supporting examples need to be more specific and relevant.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, the logical structure can be improved. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point and develop it fully before moving on to the next idea.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that main points are supported with clear, relevant examples. Try to provide detailed explanations to back up the points you make.
general
The essay contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Pay special attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure.
general
Using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and effectively can help to improve the overall quality of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the reasons for increased outrage and anger and evaluating whether this is a positive or negative development.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame the discussion well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Outrage culture
  • Amplification
  • Economic hardship
  • Sensationalist
  • Polarization
  • Constructive outcomes
  • Social frustration
  • Divisiveness
  • Societal norms
  • Historical context
What to do next:
Look at other essays: