IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

With all the problems in the world today, spending money on space exploration is a complete waste. The money could be better spent on other causes. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#world #money #space #exploration #waste
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In the modern days, despite the fact that Earth faces crucial issues,
space
 investigation needs huge financial aid.
Due to
 that some
people
 consider that the amount of
space
 exploration should be declined. Personally, I tend to believe that the money spent on research should be provided to address contemporary
problems
 and ensure a bright future for the next generations.
To begin
 with, nowadays by decreasing the number of missions to
space
,
people
 may save considerably a lot of money, which is necessary to tackle issues with the environment. On Earth, there is an enormous risk of having some natural hazards,
such
 as earthquakes, flooding, and tsunamis, that must be prevented to save
people
's lives around the
world
. To prevent them governments should provide their residents with sufficient housing, so buildings
also
 need a significant amount of finance.
For instance
, in Kazakhstan, the Almaty government spent 5 billion dollars to build houses with all the required tools for urgent situations,
such
 as earthquakes.
Additionally
, the
problems
 that have
world
 may cause dreadful consequences, and bigger
problems
 for the next generations,
consequently
 leading to disasters in the whole
world
.
Due to
 not paying enough attention at the required time, the issue may be enhanced.
For instance
,
problems
 with third
world
 countries, and lack of basic human needs,
such
 as freshwater, food, and sophisticated housing must be solved. In Nigeria, 60% of the population even do not have access to the freshwater. In the next few decades, if
this
 problem had not been addressed, it could lead to the extinction and disappearance of the nation. Today's
world
 has huge
problems
 that need solutions and finances, so rather than spending money on
space
 expeditions, authorities should leverage them to deal with these issues. By addressing real-
world
problems
people
 grant a bright future for the next generation.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your essay presents arguments, but clearer demarcation of these sections would enhance the overall structure.
cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to organize your ideas effectively. Transition words, topic sentences, and a logical flow of ideas would greatly benefit the essay.
balance
Provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, even if you have a strong opinion. Acknowledge why some people may support space exploration before presenting your own perspective.
development
Develop your main ideas with more detailed explanations and examples. Clear development of arguments makes for a stronger essay and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task response
Elaborate more clearly on why you believe the money could be better spent on other causes. While examples are provided, tying them back to the prompt more directly would improve the task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • technological advancements
  • resource acquisition
  • inspire
  • funding allocations
  • global challenges
  • poverty alleviation
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • educational reform
  • long-term investments
  • economic growth
  • sustainable development
  • societal benefits
  • budgetary priorities
  • space industry
  • fiscal responsibility
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