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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that public buildings should be moved out ò the city to promote citizen's well-being and better economic growing, while some argue that the planning will cause more harm than good. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #buildings #city #citizen #argue #harm
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There was a plan that public buildings should be moved out of the
city
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. It can lead to two main benefits including both providing citizen's health and supporting more for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic growth.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that planning will cause more harm than good, I stand in the opposite mind. From my point of view, that plan has more advantages than disadvantages. To see more props of moving public-sector buildings of society, I will show you the harm of not moving public buildings to the suburbs. When a developed
city
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 will attempt a significant workforce. Leading to the excessive load of population density pressure.
Although
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 a
city
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 contains high inhabitants, a limited land area is more likely to cause
traffic
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 jams. And you know that transport is the lifeblood of the economy.
According to
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 an examination from JICA (Japan International
Cooporation
Correct your spelling
Cooperation
Corporation
 Agency), Manila's
traffic
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 jams cost 57 million dollars per day, and some 80 to 95
percent
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per cent
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 of air pollution in Metro Manila comes from vehicles. Through that, we see the serious consequences of not developing urban areas in a sustainable manner. I don't deny that expanding a
city
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 by moving public towers to the outskirts is
also
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 better in reducing
traffic
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 jams. But it
also
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 means the distance and time you spend commuting from home to work office increases. It takes time to travel and doesn't save much material compared to being stuck in
traffic
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 in the inner
city
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. By the way, riding under the weather is something sixty - forty. Sixty is suddenly raining or hot temperature and forty is nice weather. So, if we put the office towers far from
inner
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the inner
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city
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, it will
effect
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affect
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 productivity. And yes, it may result in low economic development. Every coin has two sides. There nothing comes without props or cons. But as for
this
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 plan with the ultimate goal of rectifying the problems in question, I choose a sustainable way with targeted steps
as well as
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 careful calculations. I know economic growth is important to make our lives better but the environment and our health are unlimited it is something money cannot buy, and we easily forget to protect it. So, remember to maintain health
while
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 making money, and protect the environment
while
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 developing the economy!
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction could be more clearly defined. It should set up the debate more effectively and outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly and logically into the next. This will help make the argument more cohesive and easier to follow.
task achievement
Support your arguments more comprehensively. For example, provide more specific data, studies, or notable examples to strengthen your points.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas further. Some of the points made are good but need to be explained more clearly and comprehensively.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant specific examples, like the JICA study on traffic jams in Manila. This strengthens your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reiterates the importance of balancing economic growth with environmental and health considerations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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