IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Others believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #lifestyle #countryside #health #cities
Nowadays, a multitude of
individuals
 tend to think that by living in the countryside
health
 will improve effortlessly in comparison with life in urban and contemporary cities. I oppose the view and my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs. First and foremost, it is evident that those
individuals
 who live in modern, well-equipped
areas
 tend to live longer via the
facilities
 provided there.
Additionally
, citizens of urban
areas
 tend to be more aware and self-conscious about their appearance,
as well as
 their
health
. Megapolices have versatile and multifaceted places and specialised
areas
 for sports
facilities
 and keeping a fit lifestyle as well,
such
 as fitness places, where
individuals
 have enormous opportunities to utilize equipment for whole-body training and muscle development.
Moreover
, healthcare
facilities
 in urban
areas
 cannot be in comparison with suburbs and unequivocally give a wide range of treatments and
facilities
 to change the physical appearance and mental
health
 avoiding anxiety and depression.
Furthermore
, with progressive scanning systems in urban
areas
, it is more straightforward to keep feet and avoid dangerous diseases. As evidence, I personally on a daily basis do exercises, to keep fit and usually visit doctors for check-ups and urban cities preponderance.
On the other hand
, living in the countryside can be the best option
due to
 the fresh air and wild natural places which provide
individuals
 with a sense of resilience enhance problem-solving skills and be in tune with mother nature. Air pollution is not a paramount circumstance of
health
 issues and maladies here. Natural and organic products which are the main sources of nourishment for
individuals
 in rural
areas
 change their
health
-protective system undoubtedly.
However
, notwithstanding all the beneficial sides of rural
areas
, it is difficult to gain prominent results from healthy lifestyle efforts
due to
 being without qualified doctors in all fields of medicine. Because of it, many
individuals
 die young, with a lack of diagnosis of life-threatening issues in the human body. To cite an example, my acquaintance who lived in a suburb every day used to work physically
,
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 ate fresh fruits and vegetables grown by him and lived around the river with fascinating views and landscapes, but he died from cancer unfortunately.
To sum up
, it can be concluded that the drawbacks of living in the countryside tip the scales.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
You have logically structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are some areas where the connection between sentences could be smoother. Consider using more transitional phrases to bridge ideas more effectively.
task response
Your arguments are relevant and on-topic. Nevertheless, some ideas could be developed more comprehensively, and your personal example could be better integrated within the context of the broader arguments. Try to balance personal anecdotes with generalisations about the topic.
task response
You have clearly stated your position at the start and supported it throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph covers a distinct point, making your essay structured and easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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