Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In recent times, technology has taken over and has consumed all age groups including

children

Use synonyms

, who spend hours on their

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

every day.

This

Linking Words

essay discusses the possible cause of

this

Linking Words

trend,

although

Linking Words

, I very strongly believe that

this

Linking Words

is a negative development. Technology has become widely popular and easily accessible over the years, which allows everyone who uses it. Nowadays most parents have a very busy work life, they do not have enough time to spend with their

kids

Use synonyms

, and an easy solution to keep their

children

Use synonyms

entertained is to hand them a smartphone.

Hence

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

get addicted to these at a very small age.

For instance

Linking Words

, I work at a hospital and a small girl came for her vaccination. She was continuously crying, but as soon as her mother gave her a smartphone, it was as if she got hypnotized and suddenly stopped crying,

moreover

Linking Words

, did not even realize when I gave her the injection. The effect of smartphones on

children

Use synonyms

remains

to be

Verb problem

apply

show examples

a contentious topic,

Linking Words

however

Add a comma

however,

show examples

I strongly concur that it affects

children

Use synonyms

in a negative way in the long run.

Kids

Use synonyms

prefer to stay at their homes and enjoy the virtual world

instead

Linking Words

of going out and playing.

This

Linking Words

has led to numerous health problems like worsening

Change preposition

apply

show examples

eyesight and obesity. Statistics have proved that these mobiles are making

children

Use synonyms

lazy and the obesity rates are higher than ever before.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it is surprising to note that the level of obesity and atherosclerosis is so severe, that the number of

children

Use synonyms

getting heart attacks has

also

Linking Words

substantially increased.

To conclude

Linking Words

, mobile phones are so easy to use and readily available,

they

Correct word choice

that they

show examples

give parents an easy way out to make

children

Use synonyms

do as they want,

therefore

Linking Words

kids

Use synonyms

get addicted to these devices.

However

Linking Words

, in my opinion, phones have a negative effect on

children

Use synonyms

’s lives and their use by

kids

Use synonyms

should be restricted.

Submitted by khushichhillar on Tue Aug 27 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

In the introduction, you could briefly outline the specific reasons that will be discussed in the body paragraphs to create a clearer roadmap for the reader.

task response

Consider adding a sentence or two in the conclusion summarizing the main points discussed in the body paragraphs for a more comprehensive conclusion.

coherence cohesion

While your essay is well-organized, ensure that each paragraph contains only one main idea. Combining multiple ideas might dilute the focus.

coherence cohesion

Make use of more varied transitional phrases to enhance the logical flow. For instance, instead of 'however', you might use 'nonetheless' or 'on the other hand' in different places.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.

task response

You have provided specific examples that support your main points, such as the anecdote about the child at the hospital and statistical references.

task response

Your main points are sufficiently supported and elaborated upon, which makes your argument convincing and comprehensive.

coherence cohesion

The essay maintains a logical structure with each paragraph smoothly flowing into the next, enhancing readability.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

316 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8
band
You have just come back from a holiday overseas. When you arrived back, you discovered that the airline had lost your suitcase. Write to the Customer Relations department of the airline. In the letter,  explain the situation  describe the suitcase and its contents  say what you want the airline to do  Write at least 150 words.  You do NOT need to write any addresses.
I am writing to request information regarding my lost suitcase during my flight from Singapore to Sydney on the 28th of May 2024.
5.5
band
Today many children and teenagers are overweight and unhealthy. Give reasons to explain why many young people are obese and give some solutions to fix the problem.
Obesity has become a major issue in all aged people due to irregular exercise and eating habits especially in 3 to 16 years old children. Various reasons are responsible for this burning issue which will be explained in the following paragraphs with an appropriate solution and explanations.
7
band
Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can case serious social problems, as well as practical problems. to what extent do you agree or disagree with thia statement?
There is no denying that social and practical issues could be raised when people are not a native speakers of the nation they live in. I firmly agree with the idea that speaking foreign languages could potentially lead to a variety of real-life difficulties. In the following essay, I’m going to outline the reason behind my opinion on this thesis.
4
band
The government should control the amount of violence in films and on the television in order to decrease the level of violent crime in the society. To what extent you agree or disagree?
In recent decades, mass media generate significant impact on public thoughts and behaviours. Therefore, violent scenes in movies or television series are blamed for the rising crime rate in society. In order to tackle this problem, some people propose that it is the government that should regulate the amount of violence in those programs, and some hold the opposite opinion. In this essay, I will express my opinion by considering both perspectives.
5
band
It is a common aspiration among people to run their own business, rather that work for an employer. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?
Most people always want to create their own businesses as circulating your own business easier than working for an employer in any facility.Nevertheless,it is hard to create your own business and people are a little bit discouraged about creating their system.Despite this phenomenon can lead to negative impacts,I more firmly believe that there are more significant positive effects.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Today many children and teenagers are overweight and unhealthy. Give reasons to explain why many young people are obese and give some solutions to fix the problem.

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can case serious social problems, as well as practical problems. to what extent do you agree or disagree with thia statement?

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on the television in order to decrease the level of violent crime in the society. To what extent you agree or disagree?

It is a common aspiration among people to run their own business, rather that work for an employer. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?