The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant

The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant
This
bar chart depicts the
percentage
of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over the past two years. it is clear from the graph that the people who graduate have no experience.
According to
what is shown On 9 October the
percentage
of the people who did not get jobs was almost 24 for the
men
, and for the women about 14, but for the
men
the chart says that there were jobs because, on April 8, the
percentage
says
otherwise
.
In addition
for
men
, it could be like 7 on the other side for women could be 4. I believe that if
men
folks work on themselves
while
they are studying by collecting some experience at the same time they will acquire money
while
they are continuing their studies and the same for women because these days A lot of companies ask for experience not just a certificate.
To sum up
, we could say that there was a big difference between the months in 2008 and 2009 since the
percentage
is growing mostly.
Submitted by fnokgamer11 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, men with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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