IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
There is a trend that more and more
people
 are living in bad situations including working in a terrible company,
earning
Correct word choice
and earning
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
few salaries. Some
people
 tend to accept
this
 phenomenon but others argue that we need to change the bad status. I absolutely support the point of view later. On the one hand, All of us are living in a biased society, which means it is impossible to change bad situations currently by ourselves.
In other words
, there are various restrictions when young adults struggle for better living standards.
Besides
, residents may face unexpected accidents during their lives including diseases and global economic crises
while
 they are trying to improve.
As a result
,
people
 lose their leisure time and even some good relationships at the same time. It looks reasonable that adults are supposed to concentrate on a warm family rather than an unforecast future. I absolutely disagree with these guys because The best moment to fight for a better situation is now. We can not ignore the fact that the world is changing at any time. So whatever
people
 do right now, they must face those upcoming crises.
Moreover
, if teenagers and adults certainly struggle with a specific situation, they must harvest rewards from the experiences
such
 as a bit of knowledge, skills and new friends
instead
 of feeling shame after getting old. In conclusion,
Although
 some
people
 believe that it is not a bad choice to accept bad status, I contend that
people
 must battle for great situations.
Submitted by wzw_0804 on

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task achievement
To enhance your task achievement score, include more specific examples to support your arguments. This can make your essay more persuasive and relatable.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on your points more comprehensively. Providing deeper analysis and a variety of arguments will make your essay stronger.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs to improve the logical flow of ideas. Make sure each paragraph logically follows from the previous one to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Avoid using sentences that may appear too general. Make sure to clearly explain the relevance of each sentence to your main argument.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for a strong structure.
task achievement
You’ve addressed both views of the discussion prompt, showing a balanced consideration of the topic.
task achievement
The essay presents clear main ideas that are relevant to the task, which helps in developing a coherent response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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