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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantanges outweigh the disadvamtages?

#people #world #media #touch #news #events #advantanges #disadvamtages
Generally, everyone around us in the modern world uses social
media
 to touch others or to get info from them which has so many advantages and disadvantages . I have a complex view about
this
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 I will write all of them in my essay. And how can we turn to beneficial in our daily life
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Firstly
, social
media
 make people`s lives easy and convenient for
one
 another, It keeps everyone closer to each other even if they live on different continents,
For example
, people live in different countries and without social
media
, it is hard to contact
such
,
one
 can share date everyone which it can be
avaiable
Correct your spelling
available
 for humans.
As a result
, we can say social
media
 is awesome for human habitats.
On the other hand
, users forget to live their own life which even they do not
not
Rephrase
even
show examples
 needs to share
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. They can dp for traditions.
For instance
,
one
 discovery shows that 80% of visitors go to public places to take photos and share them on social networks which do not enjoy a moment. If
one
 can get any questions about the trip they would be struggling.
Furthermore
, their life open to every person and they are dependent on social websites. All in all, they have some advantages to see and get information who are not able to meet
one
 another. But, sometimes it can turn to depend on
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
show examples
 they do not understand .
One
 of the most important keys is to keep balance.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task response
Develop a stronger thesis statement to make it clear what stance you are taking in the introduction.
task response
Use clearer topic sentences to make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main point related to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs so that your ideas connect more naturally and coherently.
task response
Provide more specific examples and detailed analysis to support your main points better.
coherence cohesion
Work on more precise language and varying sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to consistent verb tenses and correct grammar to ensure clarity and accuracy.
task response
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages of social media, attempting to cover different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a frame for your argument.
task response
Good attempt to explain how social media can positively impact human habitats and make lives more convenient.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • to connect with friends and family
  • to preserve bonds
  • real-time updates
  • a wide range of perspectives
  • global happenings
  • business opportunities
  • networking opportunities
  • mental health issues
  • unrealistic portrayals of life
  • privacy breaches
  • identity theft
  • addiction
  • time management
  • productivity
What to do next:
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