Sports today is turning into a business and there are companies involved that sponsors sports with ever growing prize money for the sportsmen as a part of their advertising. Some people agree to this because it has a good effect on the world of sports, other disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The
commercialization
of
sports
has become a significant trend in recent years, with companies investing heavily in sponsorships and offering substantial prize money to
athletes
.
This
phenomenon has sparked debate, with some individuals lauding its benefits
while
others express concerns about its impact on the essence of
sports
. Proponents of the
commercialization
of
sports
argue that it brings substantial benefits to both
athletes
and the broader sporting community. One of the most significant advantages is the increased financial support for
athletes
. Sponsorship deals and lucrative prize money enable
athletes
to focus entirely on their training without the distractions of financial instability.
This
, in turn, leads to higher levels of performance, raising the
overall
standard of the sport.
Additionally
, the influx of corporate money into
sports
often results in better facilities, more comprehensive training programs, and broader exposure for less popular
sports
.
This
can democratize access to high-quality sporting experiences and inspire a new generation of
athletes
.
Moreover
, supporters believe that the
commercialization
of
sports
can enhance the global appeal of
sports
. As companies seek to promote their brands internationally, they often sponsor events that attract global audiences, bringing different cultures together through a shared love of
sports
.
This
can foster international understanding and goodwill, contributing to the idea of
sports
as a unifying force.
On the other hand
, critics argue that the increasing
commercialization
of
sports
detracts from the true spirit of competition. They contend that when profit becomes the primary motivator, the essence of sportsmanship can be overshadowed.
For instance
, there have been instances where decisions made by
sports
organizations prioritize financial gain over fairness and integrity.
Additionally
, the focus on high-revenue
sports
can marginalize less profitable ones, reducing diversity in the
sports
world.
This
commercial pressure can
also
lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overemphasis on winning at all costs, which may encourage unethical
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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such
as doping or match-fixing.
Furthermore
, the omnipresence of corporate sponsors in
sports
can lead to a homogenization of the sporting experience. With the same major brands dominating sponsorships across various
sports
, there is a risk that
sports
events become more about brand promotion than the competition itself.
This
can alienate traditional fans who feel that the
sports
they love are being transformed into mere advertising platforms. In my opinion,
while
the
commercialization
of
sports
has undoubtedly brought financial stability and global recognition to many
athletes
and
sports
, it is essential to maintain a balance. The focus should remain on preserving the integrity and spirit of competition, ensuring that
sports
do not lose their essence in the pursuit of profit.
Sports
organizations and governing bodies must prioritize fairness, diversity, and ethical conduct, even as they embrace the opportunities that
commercialization
brings.
This
balanced approach can help ensure that
sports
continue to inspire and unite people worldwide.
Submitted by warattayafinn on

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task achievement
The essay presents a comprehensive discussion of both views on the commercialization of sports and provides a clear opinion. To enhance the task response further, consider incorporating more specific examples, such as particular sports or events that illustrate the points made.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear logical structure, featuring an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. To achieve a higher score, ensure that transitions between ideas within paragraphs are smooth and seamless.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced and detailed discussion.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical and well-organized, making it easy for the reader to follow the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
The main points discussed are well-supported, contributing to a coherent and persuasive argument.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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