Sports today is turning into a business and there are companies involved that sponsors sports with ever growing prize money for the sportsmen as a part of their advertising. Some people agree to this because it has a good effect on the world of sports, other disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The
commercialization
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of
sports
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has become a significant trend in recent years, with companies investing heavily in sponsorships and offering substantial prize money to
athletes
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.
This
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phenomenon has sparked debate, with some individuals lauding its benefits
while
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others express concerns about its impact on the essence of
sports
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. Proponents of the
commercialization
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of
sports
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argue that it brings substantial benefits to both
athletes
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and the broader sporting community. One of the most significant advantages is the increased financial support for
athletes
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. Sponsorship deals and lucrative prize money enable
athletes
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to focus entirely on their training without the distractions of financial instability.
This
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, in turn, leads to higher levels of performance, raising the
overall
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standard of the sport.
Additionally
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, the influx of corporate money into
sports
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often results in better facilities, more comprehensive training programs, and broader exposure for less popular
sports
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.
This
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can democratize access to high-quality sporting experiences and inspire a new generation of
athletes
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.
Moreover
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, supporters believe that the
commercialization
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of
sports
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can enhance the global appeal of
sports
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. As companies seek to promote their brands internationally, they often sponsor events that attract global audiences, bringing different cultures together through a shared love of
sports
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.
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can foster international understanding and goodwill, contributing to the idea of
sports
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as a unifying force.
On the other hand
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, critics argue that the increasing
commercialization
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of
sports
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detracts from the true spirit of competition. They contend that when profit becomes the primary motivator, the essence of sportsmanship can be overshadowed.
For instance
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, there have been instances where decisions made by
sports
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organizations prioritize financial gain over fairness and integrity.
Additionally
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, the focus on high-revenue
sports
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can marginalize less profitable ones, reducing diversity in the
sports
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world.
This
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commercial pressure can
also
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lead to
the
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apply
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overemphasis on winning at all costs, which may encourage unethical
behavior
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behaviour
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such
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as doping or match-fixing.
Furthermore
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, the omnipresence of corporate sponsors in
sports
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can lead to a homogenization of the sporting experience. With the same major brands dominating sponsorships across various
sports
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, there is a risk that
sports
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events become more about brand promotion than the competition itself.
This
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can alienate traditional fans who feel that the
sports
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they love are being transformed into mere advertising platforms. In my opinion,
while
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the
commercialization
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of
sports
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has undoubtedly brought financial stability and global recognition to many
athletes
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and
sports
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, it is essential to maintain a balance. The focus should remain on preserving the integrity and spirit of competition, ensuring that
sports
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do not lose their essence in the pursuit of profit.
Sports
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organizations and governing bodies must prioritize fairness, diversity, and ethical conduct, even as they embrace the opportunities that
commercialization
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brings.
This
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balanced approach can help ensure that
sports
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continue to inspire and unite people worldwide.
Submitted by warattayafinn on

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task achievement
The essay presents a comprehensive discussion of both views on the commercialization of sports and provides a clear opinion. To enhance the task response further, consider incorporating more specific examples, such as particular sports or events that illustrate the points made.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear logical structure, featuring an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. To achieve a higher score, ensure that transitions between ideas within paragraphs are smooth and seamless.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced and detailed discussion.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical and well-organized, making it easy for the reader to follow the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
The main points discussed are well-supported, contributing to a coherent and persuasive argument.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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