IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, the average life expectancy has been increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and for society as a whole? Suggest some solutions.

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Thanks to the development of medical science , humans could live longer. So
this
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 trend could lead to some burdens for
society
Use synonyms
. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the main hassles and
then
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 provide some advice to manage them. To commence with, elevating life expectancy could lead to higher healthcare
costs
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. Most of the elderly suffer from different disorders and need various medications and healthcare services.
For instance
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, my parents complain of Diabetes and Cardiovascular disease,
consequently
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, they need not only frequent visits to the doctors but
also
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 a lot of medications which are covered by insurance. Needless to mention, these
costs
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 should be paid by the government and
society
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, the increasing number of retired individuals could result in an imbalance of
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
, because the senior people are not productive so they create challenges for economic growth. To illustrate more, the work-ageing population in Denmark have decreased dramatically, so the
society
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 has faced many challenges in
this
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 regard. To cope with the above hassles, some effective steps could be taken. The first one is the modification of retirement rules and regulations.
For instance
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, many countries
increase
Wrong verb form
have increased
show examples
 the number of working
years
Use synonyms
, since the health level of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 has increased,
therefore
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, they can be productive for longer periods of time. In Iran ,
for example
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 ,
now
Correct article usage
the now
show examples
 crowd needs to work 33
years
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 before their retirement compared to 30
years
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 in 5
years
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 ago.
In addition
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, there are some different private insurance companies which could compensate the health
costs
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 . In a nutshell, increasing the number of elderly in
society
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 could impose a lot of
costs
Use synonyms
 for
society
Use synonyms
 and families, adjustment of some rules and support of insurance companies could mitigate the risks.

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task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the task by discussing the problems of increased life expectancy and offering solutions. To elevate your response, you could delve deeper into potential economic and societal implications. Additionally, integrating more varied examples from different countries or cultures could enhance the depth of your analysis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure with appropriate use of paragraphs. For even better cohesion, try using a wider range of linking words and phrases to ensure smoother transitions between points. Additionally, consider elaborating more on each point to provide a seamless flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion nicely frame your essay. However, ensure that your conclusion reiterates the main points discussed in the body of the essay for better coherence. It’s also useful to summarize the suggestions more clearly in the conclusion.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples which help in grounding your arguments and illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids in readability and coherence.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • healthcare costs
  • pension systems
  • economic productivity
  • workforce imbalance
  • financial strain
  • public health systems
  • social care services
  • quality of life
  • retirees
  • healthcare demand
  • elderly population
  • financial instability
  • social services
  • working-age population
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