IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You will go to a foreign country to stay there for one year, and you need a place to live in. You have decided to write to an agency for accommodation.

#country #year #place #agency #accommodation
Good afternoon, dear sir/madam. My name is Anastasia, I'
m
 working in the "Move" company with the head office in New York, and I have been moved here, to our Canadian office, for one year. I obtained your email address from our HR division, and I'
m
 writing
this
 letter with the purpose of asking for your help in finding an apartment for me. First of all, let me, please, describe an apartment which I'
m
 looking for. I am thinking about a
1or
Correct your spelling
1- or
 2-bedroom condo, preferably in the
Down Town
Correct your spelling
downtown
show examples
 area, fully furnished and equipped. If it's possible, I'll be glad to have built-in laundry.
Moreover
, I need a pet-friendly apartment, because of my cat, which will move with me.
Secondly
, I'll be glad to have a park view from my windows,
however
, it may be any pond. I mean, I really don't want to see my neighbours on the opposite side.
Furthermore
, I need your help with the car rental, because I'
m
 interested to travel in your beautiful country;
therefore
 I desperately need to have a garage in the building. Thanks in advance. Looking forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Anastassia.
Submitted by anastasia on

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mechanics
Ensure consistency in spacing; there's a slight spacing issue near '1or 2-bedroom'.
content
Consider adding more specific details about the rental period and budget to enhance clarity.
style
Avoid redundancy (e.g., 'down town' can be streamlined).
tone
The tone is formal and appropriate for the context, showing respect and professionalism.
content
The letter provides clear details about the accommodation requirements, making it easier for the agency to assist.
structure
The greeting and closing are polite and well-constructed, adding to the overall impression of the letter.

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