IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think governments should spend money on faster means of public transport. However, others think money should be spent on other priorities (such as the environment). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #money #transport #priorities #environment
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Public
transportation
 is accessible and effective to human beings since it enables us to reach various regions within a
shorten-
Correct your spelling
short time
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time
.
While
 some believe
this
 system should be supported by the
government
 financially to provide faster service for citizens, others think there are more significant fields that need more monetary aid. On the one hand, public transportations provide numerous opportunities
in
Change preposition
for
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 accessibility. The advance in
this
 system allows
people
 to reach not only workplaces but
also
 other cities in a short
time
. In the past, it was not developed so that
people
 had to walk for a few days to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
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their destination.
According to
 a study, the
time
people
 took from Seoul to Busan, was approximately 4 days.
However
,
time
 was decreased to only 3 hours when citizens take
train
Correct article usage
the train
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 or subway. The extended budget for faster
transportation
 could lessen
time
 pressure and enhance accessibility between cities that are far from each other.
On the other hand
, there is an urgent domain that requires monetary
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
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 than public
transportation
. The seriousness of environmental problems has been underlined causing severe climate changes around us. Even though there are numerous investments for improvement, the steep
increasing
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increase
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 of
using
Verb problem
apply
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machines, which emit Carbon, limits the
government
 to cope with the situations instantaneously.
Hence
, the
government
 should spend more money rather than expanding the budget for faster
transportation
, to prevent our society from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
severe environmental troubles. In conclusion, faster
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 could significantly impact
people
 in terms of accessibility and convenience.
Nevertheless
, I believe that the
government
 should be responsible for blocking dangerous environmental problems rather than introducing a faster
transportation
 system.
Submitted by ekgus2309 on

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coherence and cohesion
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task achievement
While the ideas are clear, occasionally, the language lacks sophistication. Try to incorporate a range of vocabulary to enrich your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear and logical structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are provided, which effectively support the main points of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • traffic congestion
  • reliance
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable development
  • conservation efforts
  • pollution
  • traffic jams
  • sustainability
  • urban living
  • prioritizing
  • environmental protection
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