Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are tought to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adult. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

in the concurrent era, there are heated arguments on the
competition
for the betterment of life. the majority of society thinks that
competition
in
children
's lives is curious rather than oppositive it believes that teaching them teamwork would be more useful in adults. the following paragraph illustrates my perspectives, which will lead to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statements,
both
perspectives are prestigious in student life because encouraging
competition
can foster a sense of achievement and personal growth in younger as they strive to excel.
However
,
competition
is a part of student life to encourage the students that
work
hard and build confidence in themselves, which will help in the leap and bond in their careers.
in addition
, contesting can motivate
children
to put extra effort and
work
hard to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their dreams and help to generate the
children
's ability to cope with failure and come back to the
competition
.
For instance
, in the United States, a
competition
was held between kids to analyze IQ by Harbert. categorically discussing, the main reason behind that I think
competition
will raise critical thinking for the future professional environment.
on the other hand
, cooperation
instills
Change the spelling
instils
show examples
empathy in fosters as they learn teamwork because they learn the important aspects from others that will be beneficial in decision making. So
that is
why, group
work
embellish the success rate higher and increases confidence.
Furthermore
, teamwork explores freedom and interest rather than focusing on the weakest point and building character.
For example
, in schools, teachers are given a team project to increase productivity and good results.
to sum up
. for the aforementioned reasons, I think
both
aspects have their importance and when
both
things
work
respectively that makes
children
more confident and friendly rather than working alone because they build a character. Parents and teachers should teach
both
notions.
Submitted by alviusman18 on

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grammar
Improve sentence structure and grammar. Some sentences are difficult to follow due to grammatical inaccuracies.
elaboration
Add more specific and varied examples to support your arguments. It will help make your essay more convincing.
structure
Ensure the conclusion succinctly summarizes both sides of the argument and clearly states your opinion. Currently, it feels a bit abrupt.
task response
Good attempt at addressing both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
examples
Use of instances and examples to support main ideas.
task response
The essay discusses multiple facets of the argument which is commendable.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sense of achievement
  • Personal growth
  • Strive to excel
  • Motivate
  • Reach full potential
  • Determination
  • Resilience
  • Failures and setbacks
  • Team skills
  • Harmoniously
  • Critical life skill
  • Professional environments
  • Empathy
  • Instill
  • Balanced approach
  • Well-rounded individuals
  • Personal accomplishment
  • Collective success
  • Competition
  • Cooperation
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