IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many cities have installed cameras in public places in order to reduce crime. However, some people think that those cameras restrict our privacy. Do you think the advantages of this system outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent years,
due to
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 the development of technology, the installation of
cameras
Use synonyms
 in public areas has increased to reduce criminal activities.
However
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, some people believe that the camcorder can affect personal life.
This
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 trend both has merits and shortcomings but the writer of
this
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 essay concedes the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
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 with, video surveillance is highly beneficial in reducing the crime rate.To be more specific, offenders can be easily captured by the
cameras
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
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, lawbreakers may be scared and try to avoid committing crimes again.
Moreover
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, some sinners may be aware of the evidence that the Polaroid was caught
due to
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 the anxiety of being fined.
For example
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 in Japan which began installing 10,000 video
cameras
Use synonyms
 in 2019,
as a result
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, the rate of crime reduced rapidly by 20% compared to the time before the
cameras
Use synonyms
 were installed.
Hence
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, camcorders play an important role in preventing felons.
On the other hand
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, traffic recorders can
also
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 be helpful in finding missing things.To be more clear,when residents lose their property police officers can easily track back the recorder to support the missing person to find the objects which were lost.
In addition
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, in some situations, there can be disputation of the objects that walkers pick up on the street and policemen can search those devices via public
cameras
Use synonyms
 and clues to one's belongings .
For instance
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, in the USA variety of things have been lost but the owner can find the things they lost after coming to the police station.Indeed,camcorders are extremely advantageous in finding people in need and goods.
In contrast
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,the main drawback is that
cameras
Use synonyms
 influence the residents' freedom.Obviously,the existence of public
cameras
Use synonyms
 can disturb the private life.To put it simply, some people are apprehensive and can conveniently get hurt if someone tries to monitor them.
This
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 can totally affect their mental health.Take India as an example,there was a suicide because the victim felt stress
while
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 the
cameras
Use synonyms
 always filmed him and he could not stand that pressure so the solution he chose was to stop his life. In conclusion, the number of
cameras
Use synonyms
 installed in public places is increasing.The advantages of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages.
Thus
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,authorities should invest more in placing
cameras
Use synonyms
 in the public space.

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Vocabulary Accuracy
Be careful with using synonyms for words like 'camera' (e.g., 'camcorder', 'Polaroid', 'traffic recorder') that don't exactly fit the context. This can sometimes create confusion or reduce the accuracy of what you're trying to convey. Stick to a term that directly reflects the subject.
Sentence Variety
Work on sentence structure to avoid repetitive patterns and aim for a variety of complex and simple sentences. This will make your essay more dynamic and engaging.
Argument Development
Enhance your argument by acknowledging both sides more evenly. While it's clear that you see the benefits as outweighing the downsides, incorporating a more detailed examination of the counterarguments can strengthen your position and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Evidence
Effective use of specific examples (e.g., Japan, USA, India) to support your arguments, which enhances the credibility and relevance of your points.
Structure
Clear structure and organization, especially your use of paragraphs to separate and introduce different ideas, makes your essay easy to follow.
Task Response
You've answered the essay question directly and made your position clear from the beginning, which is excellent for task response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • surveillance
  • deterrence
  • apprehension
  • infringement
  • omnipresence
  • law enforcement
  • evidence gathering
  • privacy concerns
  • surveillance state
  • unwarranted surveillance
  • psychological impact
  • paranoia
  • crime investigation
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