IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Aircrafts have been increasingly used to transport fruit and vegetable to some countries where such plants hardly grow or out of season. Some people consider it a good idea but some people oppose it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It is often argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some people believe that
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
 in
transportation
Add an article
the transportation
show examples
 of goods like
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetable
Use synonyms
 is important
while
Linking Words
 others think it is purposeless to use
aircrafts
Correct your spelling
aircraft
show examples
.I agree with the statement that
Aircraft
Use synonyms
 is a
sourceful
Correct your spelling
resourceful
 way of
transportation
Replace the word
transporting
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
.In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relevent
Correct your spelling
relevant
 examples.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand ,
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 argue that
Use synonyms
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
 and
fruit
Use synonyms
 should be transported
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
aircrafts
Correct your spelling
aircraft
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 is
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
,
Aircraft
Use synonyms
 is a very fast way of
tranportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 in our modern
tecnologies
Correct your spelling
technologies
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
Use synonyms
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
 and
fruite
Correct your spelling
fruit
fruits
can be
tranported
Correct your spelling
transported
 in a very
shot
Correct your spelling
short
show examples
 period of time without
decaing
Correct your spelling
decaying
 especially
non seasonal
Add a hyphen
non-seasonal
show examples
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetable
Use synonyms
 that are rotten easily .For
exaplme
Correct your spelling
example
,
mangeos
Correct your spelling
mangoes
managers
mangos
 are
transpoted
Correct your spelling
transported
 to
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 by
aircraft
Use synonyms
 from
pakistan
Change the capitalization
Pakistan
show examples
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 the
envirnment
Correct your spelling
environment
 is not suitable
to grow
Change preposition
for growing
show examples
 them there.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,some people are the
opponent
Fix the agreement mistake
opponents
show examples
 that it is fruitless to utilize
Aircraft
Use synonyms
 as a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 of transporting
fruit
Use synonyms
 and vegetables.
firstly
Linking Words
 it will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the economy of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
secondly
Linking Words
, the quality of
Use synonyms
fruit
Fix the agreement mistake
fruits
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
 will impact the interest of people that
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetble
Correct your spelling
vegetable
vegetables
 should not be allowed to
transport
Wrong verb form
be transported
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
others country
Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
show examples
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
Aircraft
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study has shown
60
Correct article usage
a 60
show examples
%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
decline in
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of
pakistan
Change the capitalization
Pakistan
show examples
while
Linking Words
 using
Aircraft
Use synonyms
 in
transpoting
Correct your spelling
transporting
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 many other sources can be used
such
Linking Words
 as ships .
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it is highly costable to
us
Correct your spelling
use
show examples
Aircraft
Use synonyms
 but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement that it is beneficial to use
Aircraft
Use synonyms
 as a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 of transporting
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your response to the task is generally clear and addresses both views. However, improve the clarity of your arguments and ensure they are comprehensive. Try to avoid run-on sentences and punctuation errors, which can cause confusion.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the organization of your paragraphs. Using topic sentences and ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single idea will make your essay more cohesive. Additionally, aim for smoother transitions between sentences and ideas.
task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, with main points relatively well-supported by examples.
task achievement
You have included relevant specific examples, making your argument more convincing and grounded.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured with clear main points, which helps in understanding your perspective.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: