The professional workers such as doctors, nurses, and teachers should be paid more than the sports and entertainment starts or personalities. Do you agree or disagree

#workers #doctors #nurses #teachers #sports #entertainment #personalities

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

People argue that it is unfair for

doctors

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nurses

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and

teachers

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to not earn the same or even more than the entertainment

stars

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and personalities. I somewhat disagree towards

this

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topic.

This

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essay will examine both perspectives on the topic. On the one hand,

while

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I think that

doctors

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who have specialised in a particular subject earn very well, I think that

nurses

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and

teachers

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should earn more than what they currently earn.

This

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due to

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the fact that they are the backbone of our society and play a huge role in shaping us and making our future. I have seen many

nurses

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and

teachers

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struggle to make ends meet.

Moreover

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doctors

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and

nurses

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save lives and do things an entertainment personality can not.

Furthermore

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, people should appreciate more

nurses

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and

doctors

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than entertainment

stars

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and personalities.

On the other hand

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sports

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stars

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earn a lot of money because of the revenue they generate

due to

Linking Words

their popularity and fame, they are one of the major reasons for their country's economy and play a huge role in influencing people to do better like Cristiano Ronaldo encouraging kids to drink more water and less Coca-Cola.

Furthermore

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, there are a lot of

doctors

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and

nurses

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in a country than

sports

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stars

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and

hence

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, paying them equally or more than a

sports

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star is not feasible.

To conclude

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although

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all

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

professionals work hard, I think that

while

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doctors

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nurses

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and

teachers

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should be paid more than what they are currently earning, they should not earn more than a

sports

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star

due to

Linking Words

the disparity in the population of each profession.

Submitted by satyarthverma88 on Tue Aug 27 2024

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task achievement

Some of your points are well-articulated, but could benefit from further development. Ensure each main idea is thoroughly explored with specific, relevant examples. For instance, when discussing the struggles of nurses and teachers, personal anecdotes could be supplemented with data or broader examples.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is coherent and flows fairly well, but there are areas where the transitions could be smoother. For example, use more linking words or phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly, which will help improve readability.

task achievement

Your introduction clearly outlines your stance on the issue and the essay's purpose, setting up the reader for what to expect. This is very effective.

coherence cohesion

You successfully present and contrast both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

269 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

essential services
functioning and improvement of society
well-being and education
vital role
shaping the future generation
foundation for a better society
attract talented individuals
quality of education
on the front lines
maintaining public health
expertise and dedication
quality of life
market forces and consumer demand
prioritizing essential professions
long-term benefits
high-stress environments
emotional strain
adequate compensation
public funds and resources
balanced and equitable society

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The professional workers such as doctors, nurses, and teachers should be paid more than the sports and entertainment starts or personalities. Do you agree or disagree

Fully explain your ideas

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st century, and sea levels continue to rise at alarming rate. What problems are associated with this, and what are some possible solutions?

In many countries, a financial crime involving identity theft is increasing. What are the causes of this trend, and what effects does it identity theft has on the victims involved?

With all the problems in the world today, spending money on space exploration is a complete waste. The money could be better spent on other causes. To what extent do you agree with this view?