IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
Science
 has truly transitioned life, and the prerequisite goal of
science
 should be to facilitate the human world. I strongly agree with
this
 notion and endorse it owing to the fact that it reduces mortality rates, minimizes shortages of
food
, and purifies the environment.
Science
 should increase the lifespan of a person because advancements in medication and modern technology can easily control fatal diseases using novel scientific equipment to diagnose them.
For example
, during the breakout of the COVID-19 epidemic, researchers quickly developed vaccines for patients, which downregulated the death tolls.
Additionally
, the cancerous cells can be abruptly halted using radiotherapies, chemotherapy, and hormonal therapies,
thus
 escalating their survival chances.
Moreover
,
science
 should make the environment spotless and less sullied for residents.
For instance
, many regions in Pakistan are becoming desiccated, polluted, and filthy, which can be detrimental to people.
Hence
, utilizing scientific tools, scientists should find new strategies to control greenhouse gases and carbon and grow plants to raise rainfall.
This
 will create a better place for the pupils. What is more,
science
 should focus on ground needs, like lack of
food
. Various developing and underdeveloped countries, like Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Jordan, etc., endure a scarcity of
food
due to
 low production in agriculture;
therefore
, researchers should open the tracks using advanced technologies to grow good-quality crops in higher quantities.
Consequently
, there will be ample
food
 for the citizens, and no one will be starving. It is fair
to conclude
 that the priorities of
science
 should be to ameliorate and boost the lives of creatures by enhancing the opportunities to lengthen one's age, converting an area to a preferable place, and decreasing the dearth of
food
.
Submitted by sh.mariakhan on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents an identifiable structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some arguments could benefit from more sophisticated transitions and clearer topic sentences to enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task directly with a clear position throughout. Increasing the complexity of ideas with deeper analysis and a wider range of perspectives could improve the response further.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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