IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is believed that the decreasing population in suburbs is impacted by many rural
people
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 who move to urban
areas
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. In my view,
this
Linking Words
 should be perceived as a negative trend because it may cause overpopulation and social inequality in big
cities
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. It is believed by many that urban
cities
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 offer more opportunities for employment in many sectors,
therefore
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 many
people
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 from suburbs are attracted to move to urban
areas
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 in order to get a higher income.
This
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 migration may lead to overpopulation which causes some problems
such
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 as traffic congestion, an increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 air pollution and water waste, and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of housing infrastructure.
As a result
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, the government needs to invest an extra cost to remove these concerns. Another reason to be considered,
people
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 who come from rural
areas
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 often come to the city without particular skills or knowledge.
As a consequence
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, it is difficult for them to enter the job market and get paid decently.
While
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 the cost of living in
cities
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 is much higher than in suburbs, they may not be able to
full-fill
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fulfil
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 their primary needs.
This
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 leads to social inequality because they are unlikely to get access to facilities that may enhance their quality of life.
For example
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, in the capital city of Indonesia, Jakarta, there are many
people
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 who build their houses illegally in slum
areas
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 because they can’t afford the legal housing
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, which the price already skyrocketed. In conclusion, the increasing number of
people
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 who move to urban
cities
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 must be considered
as
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a
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 negative development because it triggers
over population
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overpopulation
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 and social inequality in one particular city.

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task achievement
Although the main points are clear and relevant, ensure to provide more diverse and detailed examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured and easy to follow. However, try to improve the transitional phrases to achieve smoother flow between points.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical and word choice issues such as 'remove these concerns' which could be better phrased as 'address these concerns.'
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The response addresses the task comprehensively, considering both causes and consequences of rural-urban migration.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are used to support the main points, making the argument more convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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