Due to the influence of world-wide media such as television and computers, the gap between cultures is narrowing. The introduction of this global culture is of great benefit to the world. To what extent do you agree with this point of view?
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It is often believed that the prevalence of global
media
is incredibly beneficial to people
around the world since televisions and computers reduce cultural differences. I partially support this
view, for it allows people
to access various information
regardless of the potential risk of the disappearance of some traditional behaviours.
On the one hand, the introduction of worldwide media
is advantageous to people
since it enables people
to gain new perspectives from information
that prevails in the world. In other words
, the flow of new information
allows them to reflect on their own life from a different viewpoint and even criticize it. For example
, people
tend to promote gender equality in Japan, where male superiority has been a long tradition because of the growing influence of different cultures
which promote the empowerment of female roles. Therefore
, this
frees countries from traditional expectations and restrictive thought, encouraging them to make a fair decision in life.
On the other hand
, the advancement of media
is disadvantageous as it leads to the elimination of some cultural activities and events as more popular trends spread widely. Indeed, it declines the value of their own tradition as people
tend to regard other cultures
as more appealing, which encourages them to follow a similar behaviour; many young adults are now more curious about western fashions of blue jeans and t-shirts because of a number of their pictures and video clips shared online, which reduces the popularity of Japanese traditional clothing called "kimono." Thus
, unrestricted access to information
leads to a lack of diversity as more popular and dominating lifestyles replace conventional ones.
In conclusion, I somewhat agree that worldwide media
has a positive impact on people
's lives as it has made it possible for people
to have a wider choice of life without being restricted to traditional thought. However
, the free flow of information
from media
leads to the extinction of some cultures
as they try to catch up with the latest trends, ignoring the importance of their own cultures
.Submitted by mizuho on
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coherence cohesion
While your introduction effectively outlines your partial agreement, adding a thesis statement that clearly indicates the structure of the essay would further enhance clarity.
task achievement
Aim to improve the complexity of the ideas and arguments presented. While your examples are relevant, adding more depth to your analysis of how global media influences both the good and the bad would make your points stronger.
coherence cohesion
The cohesion could be improved by using more varied linking words and phrases to show different relationships between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effective. They frame the argument well, indicating your partial agreement and summarizing your stance in the end.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to illustrate your points, making your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure with clear main points, making it easy to follow.