IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Due to the influence of world-wide media such as television and computers, the gap between cultures is narrowing. The introduction of this global culture is of great benefit to the world. To what extent do you agree with this point of view?

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It is often believed that the prevalence of global
media
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 is incredibly beneficial to
people
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 around the world since televisions and computers reduce cultural differences. I partially support
this
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 view, for it allows
people
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 to access various
information
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 regardless of the potential risk of the disappearance of some traditional behaviours. On the one hand, the introduction of worldwide
media
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 is advantageous to
people
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 since it enables
people
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 to gain new perspectives from
information
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 that prevails in the world.
In other words
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, the flow of new
information
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 allows them to reflect on their own life from a different viewpoint and even criticize it.
For example
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,
people
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 tend to promote gender equality in Japan, where male superiority has been a long tradition because of the growing influence of different
cultures
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 which promote the empowerment of female roles.
Therefore
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,
this
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 frees countries from traditional expectations and restrictive thought, encouraging them to make a fair decision in life.
On the other hand
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, the advancement of
media
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 is disadvantageous as it leads to the elimination of some cultural activities and events as more popular trends spread widely. Indeed, it declines the value of their own tradition as
people
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 tend to regard other
cultures
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 as more appealing, which encourages them to follow a similar behaviour; many young adults are now more curious about western fashions of blue jeans and t-shirts because of a number of their pictures and video clips shared online, which reduces the popularity of Japanese traditional clothing called "kimono."
Thus
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, unrestricted access to
information
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 leads to a lack of diversity as more popular and dominating lifestyles replace conventional ones. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that worldwide
media
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 has a positive impact on
people
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's lives as it has made it possible for
people
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 to have a wider choice of life without being restricted to traditional thought.
However
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, the free flow of
information
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 from
media
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 leads to the extinction of some
cultures
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 as they try to catch up with the latest trends, ignoring the importance of their own
cultures
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.

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coherence cohesion
While your introduction effectively outlines your partial agreement, adding a thesis statement that clearly indicates the structure of the essay would further enhance clarity.
task achievement
Aim to improve the complexity of the ideas and arguments presented. While your examples are relevant, adding more depth to your analysis of how global media influences both the good and the bad would make your points stronger.
coherence cohesion
The cohesion could be improved by using more varied linking words and phrases to show different relationships between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effective. They frame the argument well, indicating your partial agreement and summarizing your stance in the end.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to illustrate your points, making your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure with clear main points, making it easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • world-wide media
  • narrowing the gap
  • global culture
  • exchange
  • understanding
  • access to information
  • entertainment
  • promotion of diversity
  • acceptance
  • global awareness
  • empathy
  • integration
  • popular culture
  • challenges
  • traditions
  • customs
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