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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that competitive sports are important for a child education, oth ers think that it has negative effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sports #child #education #oth #ers #effects
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In
this
Linking Words
 world, competitive
sports
Use synonyms
 are important for a
child
Use synonyms
's education. And it's playing an important role in shaping a
child
Use synonyms
's personality.
For instance
Linking Words
, Football can give the
child
Use synonyms
confidence
Add an article
the confidence
show examples
 to be a leader in his position and feel comfortable in doing something has many
sides
Fix the agreement mistake
side
show examples
results. Maybe he win it and learn how to be humble about it,
Also
Linking Words
 sometimes competitive
sports
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 let him try the feeling of losing a match and get the motivation to not give up and continue the journey he started. Those who see it
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have a negative impact. I think they are wrong and don't understand the importance of letting the
child
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 learn from his experience in life, which, in
this
Linking Words
 case, is competitive
sports
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.
Also
Linking Words
, they may say he's going to have hard
emotions
Replace the word
emotional
show examples
 feelings in case of defeat, But these hard feelings shape his character and improve mental health in a good way. In conclusion, competitive
sports
Use synonyms
 have many benefits to a
child
Use synonyms
's education and should be implemented in schools very often.
Submitted by abood291a on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay would benefit from a clearer introduction to outline the purpose and structure of the discussion. Present both views explicitly before stating your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Sometimes, the points feel a bit abrupt. Use transitional phrases to smoothly link your ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
While you have included examples, they could be more specific. Elaborate on how exactly sports might improve confidence and leadership, as well as how losing can build resilience.
Task Achievement
Ensure you address both perspectives equally before stating your opinion to provide a balanced viewpoint.
Task Achievement
The main idea is clear and holds a logical stance on the importance of competitive sports for a child's education.
Coherence and Cohesion
You concluded the essay effectively by reiterating your position on the benefits of competitive sports.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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