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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, the numbers of children aged 15 and younger are increasing dramatically. What are the current and future effects of an ever-increasing population?

#countries #numbers #children #future #effects #population
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Over the
last
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 few decades, there has been a dramatic increase in the number of
people
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 aged 15 and under.
Although
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, currently, increasing the number of
people
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 on Earth has a positive impact on social stability, from my standpoint, in the future,
this
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 phenomenon could become a subject of concern,
such
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 as overpopulation and unemployment. On the one hand, at first sight,
population
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 growth might seem beneficial for humanity. If there are more
people
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, society will be able to reach a balance. To explain, most areas now are in high demand of well-qualified personnel, who would lead to the enhancement of these domains.
This
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 problem might stem from the lack of
people
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 in the country. In Germany,
for example
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, the governing bodies have created a magnificent environment for foreigners who want to work here and move up the career ladder as its own
population
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 has not grown during the past few decades.
Thus
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, increasing the number of
people
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 would fill some "holes" within society.
On the other hand
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, I believe that
this
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 trend will eventually lead to overpopulation and overcrowding.
According to
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 statistics, over the
last
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 century, the
population
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 of the planet has risen six times, which has never been precedented before in the history of human beings, and it is predicted that by 2050 there will be 9 billion of us.
For
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this
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 reason, scholars are searching for ways to create life on other planets,
such
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 as Mars,
for instance
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.
Hence
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, once we continue to grow in numbers, we inevitably will face problems regarding the space for
people
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 to live.
To conclude
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, despite the current benefits of growing the
population
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, like social balance, in my opinion, it ultimately would entail serious problems of overpopulation.
Submitted by abdulaziz on

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task achievement
While your essay effectively addresses the topic, it can be improved by providing a more balanced evaluation of both current and future effects. Consider exploring more current downsides and future positives if applicable.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are clear and logically structured. For example, when moving from the current benefits to future issues, make a smooth transition to enhance the flow.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your points further. Specific cases help illustrate your arguments more vividly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively framed.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support the main points, such as Germany's approach to skilled workers.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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