IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #homes #areas #study #work #cities #development
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One of the commonly debated topics today,
why
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is why
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 many young
people
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 are leaving their villages to study or
work
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 in the
cities
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 and what the reasons are.
However
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, there is no absolute agreement, as some
people
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 find urbanization beneficial,
while
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 others claim that it will bring trouble. Surely, there are both pros and cons of leaving homes to develop in
cities
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, but I deem that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. One of the key advantages of leaving rural areas is that
cities
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 have a higher level of education.
In other words
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,
people
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 will broaden their horizons, which leads to greater possibilities to advance to a high standard of living. An additional benefit is that
cities
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 can provide awesome
work
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 opportunities.Namely,
cities
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 offer a wide range of industries and professions, providing more career choices. Turning to the other side of the argument, the biggest con of living in
cities
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 is competition.
People
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 who are not highly educated always compete with many skilled professionals for a job.Because of the high cost of living in
cities
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,
people
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 often
work
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 long hours, sacrificing their mental health and depriving themselves of opportunities to spend time with family.
Thus
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,
this
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 will provide increased pressure and stress. Another major disadvantage is environmental issues affecting health.A good example is that
people
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 who spend their whole lives in cleaner places would not endure ecological problems. It can be critical to their health. Considering all the points discussed, it can be concluded that leaving homes in rural areas
for
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to
show examples
 study and
work
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 in
cities
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 is a great opportunity.
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language use
Use more varied vocabulary to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Expand on the potential disadvantages or challenges more thoroughly.
organization
Clear introduction and conclusion, framing the essay well.
reasoning
Logical explanation of advantages and disadvantages of urbanization.
coherence
Overall coherence is good with clear progression of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Urbanization
  • Educational institutions
  • Job prospects
  • Wages
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural exchange
  • Overpopulation
  • Cost of living
  • Rural depopulation
  • Social isolation
  • Traditional values
  • Personal growth
  • Recreational activities
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