Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
An advertisement in the modern world is the most important tool of trade and influence to people. I think that
an
effect on Correct article usage
the
children
is stronger and has negative consequences because they don’t
know how to distinguish good from evil and they are very trusting. British scientists have found that children
under 6 years don’t
know differences
between advertisements and general TV programs. And they are easily manipulated.
The negative effect of an advertisement is in many things. Correct article usage
the differences
Firstly
, it is junk food
. We every day watch publicities of a fast food
. Children
think that it is a trend and want to eat in the same cafes all the time. However
, fast food
contains a lot of fats and carbohydrates. The same situation with chocolate which contains a lot of sugar. Analytic
tells us that the amount of Replace the word
Analytics
children
with obesity grows every year. And unhealthy food
can lead to serious illnesses such
as diabete
and cancer.
Correct your spelling
diabetes
Secondly
, nowadays there are many advertisements of
different products and toys for Change preposition
for
children
on the Internet. If you or your child use google
for searching something you will see Capitalize word
Google
this
item advertised on every page of the Internet soon. Of course
many Add a comma
course,
children
will want to buy all the toys that they see. At an early age
they simply Add a comma
age,
don’t
understand how money is earned and a family budget is built. Children
start asking their parents to buy all the toys and don’t
understand why it is impossible. This
created misunderstandings and disagreements between children
and parents.
To summarize the above, I agree with many people that advertisements have a negative effect on children
. Also
I believe, our government should ban or control Add a comma
Also,
same
Correct article usage
the same
publishities
with unhealthy content for Correct your spelling
publishes
publicities
children
.Submitted by aboykova13 on
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coherence cohesion
Clarify sentence structures to improve readability (e.g., 'An advertisement in the modern world is the most important tool of trade and influence to people' could be 'In the modern world, advertisements are a crucial tool for trade and influence.')
coherence cohesion
Add more transitions between paragraphs to improve flow and coherence (e.g., 'Additionally, many advertisements...')
task response
Provide more detailed examples or evidence to further strengthen your arguments
task response
The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and provides a well-rounded discussion of the topic.
task response
Each main point is supported with relevant arguments and examples, such as the negative effects of junk food and the impact of advertisements on family dynamics.
coherence cohesion
The essay has clear and concise ideas, making it easy to follow the author's train of thought.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.