Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important profession. Some people think that is fully justified while other think that it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Athletes
who get good grades can earn more than those in other essential industries. Some individuals argue that it is completely justified, although
others believe that it is unfair. In my opinion, I agree with the former.
I tend to support the view that sports
professionals should earn more. To begin
with, since the athletes
who got medals or good grades in international competitions all experienced a long time of hard practice, most of them had serious injuries; they not only suffered the
pain but Correct article usage
apply
also
earned the glory of our country. Another key consideration should be that if successful sports
professionals can earn less than others, it will cut down teenagers' passion for practicing
Change the spelling
practising
sports
so the country's sports
strength will decline.
Understandably, there are several reasons why the public thinks that is
unfair. People might argue that people such
as scientists, doctors, and firemen, their works are more valuable because they can protect the public and make our lives better; they contribute more than athletes
. In addition
, it may make kids think it is unnecessary to study because as long as they practice sports
hard they could be rich but after they become athletes
they may find it is not true, and they may regret it.
However
, as far as I am concerned, firstly
, the athletes
who earn much
money account for a small part, as only very few people after professional training could reach the top globally. Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
Secondly
, they have business value after they become successful, such
as letting the public be interested in sports
and getting a healthy body.
Overall
, while
in some ways it may seem reasonable that athletes
should not earn more than others, I personally believe that it is justified.Submitted by yihualuo525 on
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Consider providing more specific and relevant examples to support your points. This would enhance the strength of your arguments and make your essay more compelling.
task achievement
Work on making your argumentation more sophisticated and nuanced. Currently, some points feel quite general, and a deeper analysis would contribute to a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next by using transitional phrases or words. This will help maintain the coherence of your essay and provide a smoother reading experience.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion can be strengthened by summarizing the key points of your argument before giving your final opinion. This will tie everything together more cohesively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task by discussing both sides of the argument and giving your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are clearly presented and easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.