Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, a lot of
parents
force their Use synonyms
children
to study hard and demand the great result from it. They believe it will increase the chance for the Use synonyms
children
to be successful. In Use synonyms
this
essay, I will explain and elaborate Linking Words
why
Change preposition
on why
this
Linking Words
behavior
is unacceptable.
Change the spelling
behaviour
To begin
with, we cannot refuse the fact that Linking Words
parents
want their Use synonyms
children
to be successful in life, which leads to unethical ways to make that happen, in Use synonyms
this
case, forcing. Linking Words
This
is bad because forcing will make the Linking Words
children
depressed and anxious. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, some Linking Words
parents
put Use synonyms
a
severe punishment on their kids if they fail to achieve the great result. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, in Japan, many young students commit suicide after getting a bad result in their Linking Words
academic's
report. Based on the report, those suicidal cases happened because they were too afraid of being punished by their Change noun form
academic
parents
.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, some Linking Words
parents
believe supporting is better than pressuring. Supporting means the parent understands if their kid fails and provides guidance. Use synonyms
Thus
, guidance will help the Linking Words
children
understand that bad academic results are not the end. Use synonyms
In addition
, it will grow the responsibility and the sense to be better for the Linking Words
children
. In my experience, I perform better in academics or work when my Use synonyms
parents
believe in and support me without putting Use synonyms
a
significant pressure on me.
In my experience, putting a lot of pressure on Remove the article
apply
children
is always bad and causes severe negative Use synonyms
impact
. Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
Otherwise
, guiding and providing is the best way for Linking Words
parents
to teach their Use synonyms
children
.Use synonyms
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introduction and conclusion
The essay could benefit from a more structured and clearer introduction and conclusion. Make sure each paragraph serves a distinct purpose and that the conclusion summarizes the points made in the body paragraphs effectively.
supporting points
The essay should fully develop points by providing more detailed examples and explanations for why pressuring children is negative and why supporting them is positive. This would improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the argument.
language use
Try to use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures. This will make the essay more interesting and clearly demonstrate your command of the language.
language use
Avoid using casual language and ensure academic tone throughout the essay. Words like 'bad' can be replaced with more precise terms such as 'detrimental' or 'harmful'.
task response
The essay addresses both reasons why parents pressure their children and provide a clear stance on why this is a negative development.
examples
You provided personal experiences and examples from real life (e.g., the situation in Japan) which makes the essay more relatable and grounded in reality.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example