Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#parents #pressure #children #development

Nowadays, a lot of

parents

force their

children

to study hard and demand the great result from it. They believe it will increase the chance for the

children

to be successful. In

this

essay, I will explain and elaborate

why

Change preposition

on why

show examples

this

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

is unacceptable.

To begin

with, we cannot refuse the fact that

parents

want their

children

to be successful in life, which leads to unethical ways to make that happen, in

this

case, forcing.

This

is bad because forcing will make the

children

depressed and anxious.

Furthermore

, some

parents

put

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

severe punishment on their kids if they fail to achieve the great result.

For example

, in Japan, many young students commit suicide after getting a bad result in their

academic's

Change noun form

academic

show examples

report. Based on the report, those suicidal cases happened because they were too afraid of being punished by their

parents

On the other hand

, some

parents

believe supporting is better than pressuring. Supporting means the parent understands if their kid fails and provides guidance.

Thus

, guidance will help the

children

understand that bad academic results are not the end.

In addition

, it will grow the responsibility and the sense to be better for the

children

. In my experience, I perform better in academics or work when my

parents

believe in and support me without putting

Remove the article

apply

show examples

significant pressure on me. In my experience, putting a lot of pressure on

children

is always bad and causes severe negative

impact

Fix the agreement mistake

impacts

show examples

Otherwise

, guiding and providing is the best way for

parents

to teach their

children

Submitted by megyfebryanisyah on Wed Aug 28 2024

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introduction and conclusion

The essay could benefit from a more structured and clearer introduction and conclusion. Make sure each paragraph serves a distinct purpose and that the conclusion summarizes the points made in the body paragraphs effectively.

supporting points

The essay should fully develop points by providing more detailed examples and explanations for why pressuring children is negative and why supporting them is positive. This would improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the argument.

language use

Try to use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures. This will make the essay more interesting and clearly demonstrate your command of the language.

language use

Avoid using casual language and ensure academic tone throughout the essay. Words like 'bad' can be replaced with more precise terms such as 'detrimental' or 'harmful'.

task response

The essay addresses both reasons why parents pressure their children and provide a clear stance on why this is a negative development.

examples

You provided personal experiences and examples from real life (e.g., the situation in Japan) which makes the essay more relatable and grounded in reality.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

254 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

New household appliances have resulted in more free time for women and have enabled them to both works and run a home with dependent children. What are the advantages of a family when the mother works? Do you think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

In order to improve a country’s education system, high school students should be encouraged to publicly critique their teachers online. Do you agree with this? What are some other ways high school education could be improved

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation?

Some people think that individuals are born to be leaders, others believe leadership can be learnt. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?