IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Individuals can do nothing to change society. Any new development can only be brought about by governments and large institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Any new development in the world can be brought only by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and big institutions and individuals
cam
Correct your spelling
can
show examples
 do nothing to change society. I personally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
people
Use synonyms
 have any possible
abilities
Fix the agreement mistake
ability
show examples
 to make
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 better. The most
eyeopening
Correct your spelling
eye-opening
show examples
 fact about
government
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 is that they have
power
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the power
show examples
 to make
desicions
Correct your spelling
decisions
 over
people
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.
However
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of
countries
Use synonyms
 where only society makes
desicions
Correct your spelling
decisions
 about their
countries
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. And great example of
this
Linking Words
 would be England, where
president
Add an article
the president
show examples
 of England
listens
Add the preposition
listens to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 of their lives and does everything to make living in his country better.
Moreover
Linking Words
, presidents of
this
Linking Words
 kind of
Use synonyms
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
 are not doing it for personal needs
such
Linking Words
 as growth in finances or
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
. In most cases, these are
people
Use synonyms
 who have already
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 rich and independent Being a president is just their own interests and passions to make lives easier and fair.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
countries
Use synonyms
 where only
Use synonyms
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 are leading and not willing to
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
 their citizens. Usually, in
this
Linking Words
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
show examples
 of
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
, there are always some agreements between presidents, ministers, and institutions. And the most unfair
countries
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 are CIS
countries
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that if there are more
people
Use synonyms
 living in the
countries
Use synonyms
 than
government
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 or institutions,
people
Use synonyms
 may just scare
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 by rallies and do whatever they want. Of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
 there might arise a conflict and even a war, but
people
Use synonyms
 deserve
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
 and
fair
Correct word choice
fairer
show examples
 life. In conclusion, even if there are possible issues
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
 arise between citizens and
government
Use synonyms
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that the power of society and their own independency outweigh any
prohibitons
Correct your spelling
prohibitions
prohibition
 or developments made by
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.

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What works well

2
coherence cohesion

Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which helps to structure your response.

task achievement

You have attempted to address the prompt and provide arguments for and against the statement. This shows you understand the task requirements.

Improvement Suggestions

2
coherence cohesion

Work on structuring your ideas more logically. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments are well-organized within the paragraph.

task achievement

Make sure to thoroughly develop your arguments with specific examples and evidence. Your essay would benefit from more detailed examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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