IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The role of prisons should be to punish criminals who have committed serious crimes. Training courses and education offered to prisoners are a waste of tax payers' money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#role #prisons #criminals #crimes #courses #education #prisoners #waste #tax #payers #money
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t is a common belief that rehabilitation of victims in jails is useless and
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of money. I strongly disagree with
this
 proposal, since every criminal deserves a second chance to change his personality, so they need to learn new skills. To commence with, culprits should be equipped with new knowledge and skills to prepare them to reintegrate into
society
.
Therefore
, they will be ready to return to
society
 after the termination of their conviction period.
In other words
, when criminals do not learn new skills, they cannot find a suitable job after their release, so
this
 phenomenon leads them to repeat their crimes. In a study which has been done in France, it was revealed that just 10% of released villains who could find a job repeated their fault. So these kinds of deterrent actions not only could revive a new person but
also
 make
society
 a safer place to live.
In addition
, every human could make a mistake and commit a crime. So it is not ethical to deny a second chance. Inmates like every individual
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a right to improve their characteristics and
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 meaningful contributions to their
society
.
For instance
, some culprits start to memorize the Quran and try to be positive people for a country.
In addition
, it will be more logical to spend on the training sessions and
such
 disciplinary activities in prisons rather than spend on arresting them frequently and keeping them in prison. In a nutshell, prisons should be an impactful place to prepare victims to embrace their future opportunities after release.
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task achievement
The essay should be more comprehensive in addressing both viewpoints stated in the question. While you argue effectively for the importance of training and education in prisons, addressing the viewpoint that they are a waste of money could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you use more precise language and vocabulary throughout your essay. For example, 'criminals' could be replaced with 'offenders', 'culprits', or 'inmates' where appropriate. Also, 'revive a new person' could be better phrased as 'rehabilitate individuals'.
supported main points
The argument for equipping criminals with skills for reintegration into society is well-expressed and supported by relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure with a good introduction and conclusion that supports your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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