One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
More investments
to
medical care can lead to Change preposition
in
improvement
of people’s health and elongation oh
Correct your spelling
of
life
. I am of opinion
that Correct article usage
the opinion
this
phenomenon has more pros than cons, which about
I will discuss in Change preposition
apply
this
essay.
The
Correct article usage
Medicine
medicine
is very important for
us and only thanks to it we can save our Change preposition
to
life
in difficult Fix the agreement mistake
lives
situation
, so governments should improve Fix the agreement mistake
situations
the
Correct article usage
apply
medicine
. Firstly
, if we live long , we will able to enjoy life
longer, we will have more time for
realize our dreams and aims, Change preposition
to
as well as
foe
self-development and study, Correct your spelling
for
for example
, in old age we may be able to make some new discovery
necessary for the world. Fix the agreement mistake
discoveries
Secondly
, living
long we will be able to meet our grandchildren and great-grandchildren and will be able to share important knowledge and values with them. It helps us to create strong family ties. Change preposition
by living
In addition
, medical improvement
will leave a mark on the economic
, because people will be able to work longer and bring a lot of money to the state. Replace the word
economy
Thus
, I can emphasize that this
improvement
has enormous
amount of positive aspects.
Add an article
an enormous
On the other hand
, definitely, every development has some drawbacks. First of all, improving medicine
significantly impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
budget
of healthcare, Add an article
the budget
for instance
, a lot of money needs to be invested in treatment, instruments and certified workers. Also
, if elder people live longer, the state will have to pay pension
for longer too, Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
this
will affect the economic situation of countries. Correct word choice
and this
To sum up
, most of the disadvantages of improving medicine
come from financial expenses.
To conclude
, I strongly believe that it is necessary to improve medicine
care and increase people’s Replace the word
medical
lifetime
Replace the word
lives
,
because Remove the comma
apply
this
contributes to develop
our community and humanity. Change the verb form
developing
Besides
, improvement
will give a good impetus for a happy future, will lead to new discoveries and will make our life
better.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task adequately with a clear position that the advantages of increased life expectancy due to improved medical care outweigh the disadvantages. However, you should include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally coherent, with an introduction, main body, and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that there is a logical flow between ideas. Consider improving the clarity of some sentences and addressing small grammatical errors to enhance readability.
task achievement
Your essay clearly introduces the topic and provides a balanced view, addressing both advantages and disadvantages of the increased life expectancy.
coherence cohesion
You have a strong conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your position effectively.
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