Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some students studying at the university try to learn about other subjects
besides
their main subjects, while
others believe it is more significant to concentrate on studying for a specific qualification. In this
essay, I believe that it is more advantages
for students to accept new knowledge.
Replace the word
advantageous
To begin
with, it is beneficial for students to have a variety of skills in different fields. Nowadays, there is a diversity of ways to earn money, so people should expand their knowledge and keep improving themselves. Otherwise
, they will be knocked out quickly in the society. For example
, my friend, Helen, when she graduated from the university, she got two diplomas which were related to engineering and accounting. Therefore
, she was employed by the most famous corporation in the world before leaving school.
On the other hand
, if individuals focus on a specific major, they lack other information and do not care about the development of other industries. It results in them being unable to switch jobs at any time. For instance
, my colleague, Davis, engages in human resource work. Recently, he has wanted to make more revenue, so he has tried to join the work about engineering. However
, he has not owned the relative knowledge, so he has started to learn and felt frustrated extremely because it is really hard for individuals who do not have any experience.
In conclusion, I agree that people should learn different skills because it can broaden our sights and make us feel successful easily and full of achievement. In contrast
, spending the whole time and attention on the unique qualification is more dangerous and needs afford a lot of risks.Submitted by af231186 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a logical structure but can be improved by organizing ideas more effectively. Consider using clearer topic sentences and transitions to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
You have an introduction and conclusion, which is a positive aspect of your essay. However, make sure that the introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay and that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Even though you have supported your main points, the support could be more developed. Use more detailed and specific examples to illustrate your points and strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task but can be improved by giving more detailed exposition of ideas. Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea and expand on this by giving more in-depth analysis or by connecting it to the wider context.
task achievement
The ideas in your essay are related to the topic, but for better clarity and comprehensiveness, they need to be elaborated on more thoroughly. Aim to make complex points more accessible and understandable to the reader.
task achievement
You have used some specific examples, which is good. However, ensure that the examples you use are directly related to the topic and clearly support the argument you are making in the essay.