Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views with your opinion

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions

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Decision making

Add a hyphen

Decision-making

show examples

is an important part of

children

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children's

show examples

upbringing.

However

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, some individuals commonly argue that if teenagers make their own

choices

Use synonyms

, they will not care about others,

whereas

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some argue that

this

Linking Words

is vital for them to make their own

decisions

Use synonyms

To begin

Linking Words

, opponents of children making

choices

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believe that

this

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will make them

self-centered

Change the spelling

self-centred

show examples

, and they will no longer think about others’ desires.

This

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is because they will be prone to do whatever suits them from their childhood,

such

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Remove the comma

apply

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eating their

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

foods,

wearing

Correct word choice

or wearing

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their

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

clothes.

Therefore

Linking Words

, they will not pay attention to others’ suggestions and devotions.

In contrast

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, proponents of adolescents making their own

choices

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believe that

this

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will make them mature and responsible.

This

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is because they will have to handle the consequences of their

decisions

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Moreover

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, they will have to handle the troubles caused by their selections.

Therefore

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, when children

are known

Wrong verb form

know

show examples

that they are completely responsible for their

decisions

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, they will make

more wise

Correct word choice

wiser

show examples

choices

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like:facing problems in the future if they select the wrong subjects in which they are not interested.

Furthermore

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, I completely believe that pupils should be given the right to make their own selection in any aspect of life;

this

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will make them feel more confident and successful in the future.

Moreover

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according to

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selecting their favorite subjects to study in school, because

this

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will make them more successful in the future.

To conclude

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although

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making

decisions

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in everyday matters can make teenagers neglecting others’ wishes;

however

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, I firmly believe that by taking their own

decisions

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, they will get more responsible and confident.

Submitted by sajeehulzamans on Wed Aug 28 2024

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task achievement

Clarify and develop the explanation about the opposing view that children's choices make them self-centered. Provide concrete examples to support your point.

coherence and cohesion

Link ideas within paragraphs more clearly. Some transitions between sentences are abrupt, which affects the flow of the essay.

task achievement

Expand on examples and explanations for why allowing children to make their own choices leads to responsibility and maturity. Be specific.

coherence and cohesion

Proofread for minor grammatical errors and improve sentence variety for better readability.

task achievement

The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion.

coherence and cohesion

There is a distinct introduction and conclusion, which provide a clear structure to the essay.

task achievement

The essay addresses relevant points and examples, particularly about the benefits of children making their own choices.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

263 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Autonomy
Consequence-awareness
Self-centered
Informal decision-making education
Child development
Age-appropriate choices
Cognitive growth
Fostering independence
Parental guidance
Societal norms
Interpersonal consideration
Balance of freedom
Individualism versus collectivism
Experience-based learning

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Online education is becoming more and more popular. Some people claim that e-learning has so many benefits that it will replace face-to-face education soon. Others say that traditional education is irreplaceable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.