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Band 5

Demand of food is increasing worldwide. What are the causes of this? What measures can the international community take to make sure the food supply is enough?

#demand #food #measures #community
Nowadays, we can see the
unsufficient
Correct your spelling
insufficient
show examples
 amount of
food
besides
 the increase of
a
Remove the article
apply
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consumption all over the
world
. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been caused by several reasons.
This
 essay will discuss the main reasons for
this
phenomen
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 and propose some possible solutions to avoid them. First and foremost, I'd like to talk about the paramount reason for the increase
food
Change preposition
in food
show examples
 demand - uncontrolled population growth. With the development of medicine, we are witnesses
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the birth explosion
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the one hand, and the
expantion
Correct your spelling
expansion
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life expectancy
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the other hand.
Moreover
, now we have an interesting
phenomen
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 - a lot of children and
elderies
Correct your spelling
elderly
, that need
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
support, and a thin layer of working people.
Secondly
, we can talk about the
expantion
Correct your spelling
expansion
 of the city area and
decrease
Correct article usage
the decrease
show examples
 of the
farmers
Change to a genitive case
farmer's
farmers'
show examples
 area. It's not profitable nowadays to be a farmer. So, we have
much
Correct article usage
a much
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less
Correct word choice
smaller
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 supply of
a
Correct article usage
apply
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farmer production.
Furthermore
, the second cause of diminished
food
 supply
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 disasters.
Huricans
Correct your spelling
Hurricanes
, tornados,
and
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apply
show examples
fires, and drought have a huge influence on a harvest all over the
world
. For
instanse
Correct your spelling
instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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hot countries like Israel, which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 an essential problem with the water for agriculture,
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a lot of fires in summer, and it
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 harvest. In conclusion, as one of the
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
problem
Add a comma
problem,
show examples
 we can think about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
birth control, but
this
 point of view is opposite to main
world
 religions, so it's not a possibility. That's why I
convinced
Add a missing verb
am convinced
show examples
 that the
worlr
Correct your spelling
world
 governments have to elaborate the
World
 Harvest Program to improve the situation with the
food
 supply. They need to include, mostly, the budget to reward farming and
researching
Replace the word
research
show examples
 in
this
 field of
sciences
Fix the agreement mistake
science
show examples
.
Submitted by anastasia on

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task achievement
Strengthen the main ideas with specific, relevant examples and statistics wherever possible. This can help solidify your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth. This can be achieved by using more sophisticated linking words and phrases.
task achievement
The essay correctly identifies key issues related to food demand and provides several relevant points for discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and give a clear sense of the essay's purpose and outcome.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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