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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self- employed?

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Choosing the method of employment has become
one
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 of the major argued issues. Many people argue that
self-employment
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 is much better than working for a company or organization,
while
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 others believe that
self-employment
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 has its negative drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss both aspects. On the
one
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 hand, a lot of individuals opt to work independently rather than working for corporations to obtain more flexible
jobs
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.
self-employment
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 not only saves
time
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 but
also
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 fosters the balance between personal life and work.
For instance
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, rather than wasting
time
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 commuting to the workplace, self-employed individuals can exploit their
time
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 to gather with their families.
Additionally
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, working independently allows
employers
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employees
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 to join more than
one
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jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
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,
so
Correct word choice
which
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 increases their income.
For example
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, research conducted at Harvard University in 2010 showed that the income of self-employed individuals was 45% more than a traditional employee.
on the other hand
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,
self-employment
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 poses various negative consequences to societies.
One
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 of them is being less sociable. employers who work independently lack a professional environment and tend to be more isolated which may affect their emotions and cause resentment.
Moreover
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, a lot of freelance
jobs
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 are unstable which may hamper freelancers' careers. Most freelance offers are short-term
jobs
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 which put workers under stress most of the
time
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. If self-workers cannot find any opportunity, they will lose their financial support.
That is
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way
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why
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 many people still search for traditional
jobs
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 to ensure stable income.
To conclude
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, recently, the phenomenon of
self-employment
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 has expanded tremendously.
Although
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this
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 has many positive aspects, it poses multi-faceted challenges that necessitate immediate attention.

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introduction
You should refine the introduction to clearly state that you will argue both sides before taking a definite stance in the conclusion. This will make your position more explicit from the start.
evidence
The use of examples like the Harvard research is good, but make sure that all examples are seamlessly integrated into the point you're making. Sometimes examples can feel like they are just 'added on' rather than a cohesive part of your argument.
grammar
There are some minor grammatical errors and word choice issues (e.g., "self-employment" should be capitalized at the beginning of sentences, "employers" vs. "employees"). Pay attention to these as they affect the overall clarity of your essay.
coherence
Your essay is well-organized, and you have managed to cover both aspects of the argument effectively within the limited word count.
evidence
You have provided specific examples and data which adds credibility to your arguments and makes your essay more persuasive.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments discussed and ties the essay together, providing a clear ending.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • entrepreneur
  • independence
  • opportunity
  • financial stability
  • set your own schedule
  • pursue your dreams
  • take risks
  • uncertainty
  • income stability
  • workload
  • taxes
  • marketing
  • client acquisition
  • job security
What to do next:
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