IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Students may have some problems with health such as eye strain and sleep issues because of the time mostly spent on laptop or computer. And maybe students become more adictted with social media if they use it at school and at home.

#students #health #eye #strain #time #laptop #computer #media #school #home
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.In today’s society, the growing
use
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 of
computers
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 in
education
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 is viewed by some as a positive development,
while
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 others argue that it has negative consequences.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives. One of the main advantages of using
computers
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 in
education
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 is the enhanced access to information they provide. (Topic Sentence)
Computers
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 enable
students
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 to quickly find and utilize a wide range of educational resources, which can significantly improve their learning experience. Explanation)
For instance
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, digital libraries and online databases offer immediate access to up-to-date information and diverse perspectives on any subject. (Example)
According to
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Education
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 Week,
students
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 can
use
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 online resources to conduct research more efficiently, allowing them to gather relevant data and enhance their understanding of complex topics with ease. Despite these benefits, the
use
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 of
computers
Use synonyms
 in
education
Use synonyms
 can
also
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 lead to significant
health
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 issues. (Topic Sentence) Extended periods of screen time can cause physical discomfort and long-term
health
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 problems. ( Explanation)Prolonged exposure to computer screens often results in symptoms
such
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 as eye strain, headaches, and disrupted sleep patterns. ( Example)The American Optometric Association reports that
students
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 who spend excessive time on screens are prone to digital eye strain, characterized by symptoms like blurred vision and neck pain. These
health
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 issues can detract from
students
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’ ability to focus and perform well academically.
Moreover
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, excessive computer
use
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 can lead to addiction, impacting
students
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'
overall
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 academic performance and social interactions. In conclusion,
while
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 there are drawbacks to using
computers
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 in
education
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,
such
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 as
health
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 risks and potential addiction, the benefits—
such
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 as improved access to information and reduced physical burden—are substantial.
Therefore
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, I believe that the
use
Use synonyms
 of
computers
Use synonyms
 in
education
Use synonyms
 is a positive trend
overall
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.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
While the essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, consider adding a few more sentences to the introduction to give a broader overview of the topic before diving into the specific perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each body paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. You might want to use more transitional phrases to enhance the flow between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the conclusion restates the main points succinctly and reinforces your argument without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
The essay provides clear and comprehensive ideas, addressing both perspectives effectively while maintaining a balanced view.
task achievement
The use of relevant, specific examples significantly strengthens your arguments and demonstrates a deep understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is well-maintained throughout the essay, with each paragraph contributing to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively frame the essay, giving a strong starting and closing point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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