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Writing Samples
Band 7

the table shows people in various categories that is humanities education Scoence Physics ITn and Engineering. Summarize the data

the table shows people in various categories that is humanities education Scoence Physics ITn and Engineering. Summarize the data
The table provides data about groups of individuals that are
males
Use synonyms
, not English
speakers
Use synonyms
 and born outside of Australia, in six different categories.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that most
males
Use synonyms
 show higher points, than others.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the highest amount of people in the field of humanities
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
72 per
cent
Use synonyms
 are females,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest 12 are people with another language. The middle
point
Use synonyms
 is 20, which belongs to individuals from abroad. In the field of education, the highest
point
Use synonyms
 is 68 per
cent
Use synonyms
 among men,
whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest is 16 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of not native
speakers
Use synonyms
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
similar to 23 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
tourists
Use synonyms
. There were half of a hundred men from science classes and 31
tourists
Use synonyms
. Individuals with another language showed 45 per
cent
Use synonyms
. 56 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
males
Use synonyms
 and
tourists
Use synonyms
 were in physics and 38 of not native
speakers
Use synonyms
. The highest per
cent
Use synonyms
 in IT skills was 56 and among
tourists
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest was 17 among
males
Use synonyms
. It doubled to 49 among the foreign
speakers
Use synonyms
. Engineering courses showed the highest
point
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 48 and 42 per
cent
Use synonyms
 among
tourists
Use synonyms
 and not native
speakers
Use synonyms
. The lowest
point
Use synonyms
 was 15 among
males
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words males, speakers, cent, point, tourists with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
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