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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people think that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

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In today’s society, the growing
use
Use synonyms
 of computers in
education
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 is viewed by some as a positive development,
while
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 others argue that it has negative consequences. (question paraphrase )
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives when learners can get any data faster and easier ,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 they might experience visual issues. One of the main advantages of using laptops in
education
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 is the enhanced access to information they provide. They enable students
quickly
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to quickly
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 find and utilize a wide range of educational resources, which can significantly improve their learning experience.
For instance
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, digital libraries and online databases offer immediate access to up-to-date information and diverse perspectives on any subject.
According to
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Education
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 Week, 50%
learners
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of learners
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 can
use
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 online resources to conduct research more efficiently, allowing them to gather relevant data and enhance their understanding of complex topics with ease. Despite these benefits, the
use
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 of
gadjets
Correct your spelling
gadgets
in
education
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 can
also
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 lead to significant
eyes
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eye
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 impairment issues. Extended periods of screen time can cause physical discomfort and long-term health problems. Prolonged exposure to computer screens often results in symptoms
such
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 as eye strain, headaches, and disrupted sleep patterns. The American Optometric Association reports that university attendants who spend excessive time on screens are prone to digital eye strain, characterized by symptoms like blurred vision and neck pain. These health issues can detract from students’ ability to focus and perform well academically.
Moreover
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, excessive computer
use
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 can lead to addiction, impacting students'
overall
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 academic performance and social interactions. In conclusion,
while
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 there are drawbacks to using computers in
education
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 as
eyes
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eye
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 problems, the benefits—
such
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 as improved access to any information
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 substantial.
Therefore
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, I believe that the
use
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 of computers in
education
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 is a positive trend
overall
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.

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grammar
Ensure to check for grammatical errors, such as incorrect prepositions and verb tenses. For instance, '50% learners' should be '50% of learners.'
content development
Expand on your ideas to make them clearer and more comprehensive. You could include additional examples or explanations to support your arguments.
cohesion
Try to make smoother transitions between your ideas to enhance the overall flow of the essay. For example, linking sentences with phrases indicating comparison or contrast can be helpful.
task achievement
You effectively presented both sides of the argument, providing a balanced perspective which helps in achieving a higher score in Task Response.
structure
The introduction and conclusion paragraphs are clear and concise, serving their purpose well.
task achievement
You used relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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