Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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People have different views about the choices of several
companies
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to advertise their
products
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by sponsoring
sports
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events. In my opinion,
companies
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should promote their service
on
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in
show examples
other ways or at other events. On the one hand, there are two points
for
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to
show examples
support
this
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essay.
First,
Linking Words
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Sport
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Sports
show examples
teams and
players
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are given free equipment which they could not afford
otherwise
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. It helps to encourage the player to focus on their
sports
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instead
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of being distracted by financial worries.
As a result
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,
players
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will
have
Rephrase
not have
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any facilities to improve their skill and potential in
sports
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that increase their chances of winning the game.
Second,
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companies
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can showcase their
products
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on donation equipment. That
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
build
Fix the infinitive
to build
show examples
brand awareness of
products
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with
sports
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fans and make them think positively with a company and have demand to buy
products
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.
As a result
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,
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sport
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sports
show examples
players
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have potential in their
sports
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and
sports
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sponsorship provides increased media exposure for a company and its brand.
On the other hand
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, some people argue the reason above because
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
are worried about
product
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categories which
companies
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sponsoring
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
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harmful to health.
For example
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, tobacco and liqueur
companies
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their
product
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are unhealthy and have any
affected
Correct your spelling
effects
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to
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on
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health.
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Sport
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Sports
show examples
teams should not be allowed to sponsor
sports
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events
for
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to
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protect player’s health.
Linking Words
While as
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As
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the part of
company
Add a comma
company,
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they
needs
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need
show examples
consider
Fix the infinitive
to consider
show examples
about company’s reputation because it
usually
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is usually
show examples
tightly linked to a player’s reputation. If the player is unsuccessful, or
misbehave
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misbehaves
show examples
it might affect
product
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sales. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that
companies
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should advertise their
product
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in other ways
more
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apply
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than promote by
sponsor
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sponsoring
show examples
Use synonyms
sport event
Fix the agreement mistake
sports events
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. So, it will protect
companies
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and
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
players
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from
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
risk of
Use synonyms
companies
Change noun form
companies'
company's
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products
Use synonyms
and player’s
behave
Replace the word
behaviour
show examples
.
Submitted by jeebjib14 on

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task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully developed and supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, when mentioning players receiving free equipment, provide specific instances or statistics if possible.
coherence cohesion
Strive to improve sentence structures and grammatical accuracy. For instance, correct verb forms, articles, and conjunctions. This helps in making your ideas clearer.
task achievement
Maintain balance in discussing both viewpoints. While you discussed both sides, the viewpoint against sponsorship needs more elaboration and examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. There is a logical flow between the sections, and the main points are introduced systematically.
task achievement
You provided relevant points on why companies sponsor sports and how it benefits teams and players. These points are clear and well-introduced.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sports sponsorship
  • financial support
  • athletes
  • brand visibility
  • awareness
  • commercialization
  • integrity
  • dependencies
  • corporate funds
  • unethical practices
  • strategic partnerships
  • communal relations
  • promote healthy lifestyles
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