IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It is important to use the space in cities well thean make them look beautiful. To what extent do you agree?

#space #cities #thean
Most of the economic activities take
place
 in
cities
.
This
 causes population density and less available living
space
 in it. Many might claim it is more important to use the
space
 in
cities
 to its maximum capacity,
while
 others prefer to make it look beautiful.
Nevertheless
, I would say that utilizing
space
 in
cities
 is more crucial for some reasons that are set out below.
First,
the dense population and the expensive
place
 to live in the
city
 cause the development of slum areas. The governments overcome
this
 problem by creating beautiful surroundings,
such
 as
city
 parks. They make the
cities
' view look fresh and slightly different.
Furthermore
, it can provide a refreshing
place
 for
people
 to relax after a busy day.
In contrast
, I would argue that transforming the slum area into an efficient
place
 to stay is more important.
People
 from slum areas can stay in more proper places and the
city
 will look clean and pleasant because of
this
 allocation of living
space
.
Second,
high activities in
cities
 need transportation, which increases pollution. It causes the necessity to make the
city
 greener.
In other words
,
city
 planner should include gardens in their design. The available
space
 in
cities
 can be planted with trees.
This
 does not require some large
space
, but it can be done at an available
place
.
For example
,
people
 can make rooftop gardens or vertical gardens, which may have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 function of decreasing pollution and making the
city
 more comfortable to live in. Ultimately, good
city
 planning makes it a clean, healthy, fine, and comfortable
place
 for
people
 to live and
this
 becomes the most vital reason why
city
space
 should be well managed and utilized.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task response
Make sure all parts of the question are fully addressed. Consider adding more discussion on the opposing viewpoint in the essay to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your ideas flow smoothly by using a variety of linking words and phrases. This can improve the overall readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your argument.
task response
The main points are well supported with relevant examples. This adds depth to your argument and makes your essay more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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