Does Internet need to be controlled by the government?

There are many
argues
Replace the word
arguments
show examples
believe that the
Internet
does not require to be controlled by the
government
. I think the
government
should control the
Internet
because too many
hackers
command mobile phones and other devices.
Moreover
, there are
people
post
Correct pronoun usage
who post
show examples
illegal videos.
Firstly
, many
hackers
try to
breakthrough
Correct your spelling
break through
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
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devices to steal
information
about them e.g. bank
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
show examples
and
information
. The
government
will protect everybody from getting hacked and
stole
Wrong verb form
stealing
show examples
crucial
information
. so many
people
sue
Correct your spelling
use
show examples
hackers
.
As a result
, The
government
will arrest the
hackers
eventually there will be
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
hacking
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
.
For instance
, in my country, application controlled by the
government
is used by citizens if they
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
hacked.
Additionally
, phenomenal illegal videos and pictures get
post
Wrong verb form
posted
show examples
every day that
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
innocent
people
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
who regret
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing the illegal thing. Many innocent
people
in the documents
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have not done anything. but, the person who
post
Wrong verb form
posted
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it
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
established it with
guilty
Add an article
a guilty
show examples
conscience about the innocent faces in the video or picture. Some guilty individuals after a
while
get
regret
Replace the word
regretful
show examples
.
However
, they got exposed later the
government
arrests
Wrong verb form
arrested
show examples
him. To illustrate, the
government
of Saudi Arabia has a
snapchat
Change the capitalization
Snapchat
show examples
account that
demonstrate
Change the verb form
demonstrates
show examples
the
people
who got arrested and
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
the videos but the
government
hide their faces and
blur
Correct subject-verb agreement
blurs
show examples
the video. In conclusion, I believe every country should control the
Internet
to help
people
from any
information
crime.
In addition
, many guilty
people
post
what they have done.
Therefore
, the
government
control the
Internet
to protect the citizens from any bad
affect
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
.
Submitted by Endo on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your arguments so that each point flows smoothly to the next and is well connected to the overall argument.
task achievement
Ensure all main points are fully developed and supported with strong, relevant examples. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the question and covers multiple points of view.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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