Does Internet need to be controlled by the government?
There are many
argues
believe that the Replace the word
arguments
Internet
does not require to be controlled by the government
. I think the government
should control the Internet
because too many hackers
command mobile phones and other devices. Moreover
, there are people
post
illegal videos.
Correct pronoun usage
who post
Firstly
, many hackers
try to breakthrough
Correct your spelling
break through
people
devices to steal Change noun form
people's
information
about them e.g. bank account
and Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
information
. The government
will protect everybody from getting hacked and stole
crucial Wrong verb form
stealing
information
. so many people
sue
Correct your spelling
use
hackers
. As a result
, The government
will arrest the hackers
eventually there will be less
hacking Correct quantifier usage
fewer
crime
. Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
For instance
, in my country, application controlled by the government
is used by citizens if they got
hacked.
Wrong verb form
get
Additionally
, phenomenal illegal videos and pictures get post
every day that Wrong verb form
posted
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
on
innocent Change preposition
apply
people
and
who regret Correct word choice
apply
from
doing the illegal thing. Many innocent Change preposition
apply
people
in the documents they
have not done anything. but, the person who Correct pronoun usage
apply
post
it Wrong verb form
posted
he
established it with Correct pronoun usage
apply
guilty
conscience about the innocent faces in the video or picture. Some guilty individuals after a Add an article
a guilty
while
get regret
. Replace the word
regretful
However
, they got exposed later the government
arrests
him. To illustrate, the Wrong verb form
arrested
government
of Saudi Arabia has a snapchat
account that Change the capitalization
Snapchat
demonstrate
the Change the verb form
demonstrates
people
who got arrested and show
the videos but the Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
government
hide their faces and blur
the video.
In conclusion, I believe every country should control the Correct subject-verb agreement
blurs
Internet
to help people
from any information
crime. In addition
, many guilty people
post
what they have done. Therefore
, the government
control the Internet
to protect the citizens from any bad affect
.Correct your spelling
effects
Submitted by Endo on
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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your arguments so that each point flows smoothly to the next and is well connected to the overall argument.
task achievement
Ensure all main points are fully developed and supported with strong, relevant examples. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the question and covers multiple points of view.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?