IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more people are moving to big cities these day. Discuss both advantages and disadvantages of living in a large city.

The issue of living in major
cities
Use synonyms
 has sparked considerable debate in recent times. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that there are many benefits gained from the increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 moving to urban centres
while
Linking Words
 others claim that the drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 need to be fully considered. In my point of view, there are much more downsides to the given
trend
Use synonyms
. My essay will explain both the advantages and disadvantages of the issue. On the one hand, there are some advantages gained from the
trend
Use synonyms
 of more and more
people
Use synonyms
 moving to big
cities
Use synonyms
 these days.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, big
cities
Use synonyms
 offer a wide range of employment opportunities across various industries.
People
Use synonyms
 who come from rural areas seeking a job would decide to move to big
cities
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the employment demands of businesses.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the perception of a higher quality of life in
cities
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as entertainment and cultural experiences,
also
Linking Words
 attracts a lot of
people
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, large
cities
Use synonyms
 typically have well-developed infrastructure, including transportation networks, healthcare facilities, and public services.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can make daily life more convenient and efficient.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 need to be fully considered.
Initially
Linking Words
, one drawback is that urban areas often suffer from air pollution, noise pollution, and traffic congestion. The population of a city increases, so the amount of vehicles on the road and other problems.
Consequently
Linking Words
, these environmental factors can negatively impact health and well-being. Another reason would be that
cities
Use synonyms
 have higher crime rates than smaller towns or rural areas.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to feelings of insecurity and a need for increased safety measures.
For example
Linking Words
, despite its reputation for being a vibrant and cosmopolitan city, New York City has historically faced challenges with crime.
To sum up
Linking Words
, my essay has explained some benefits and drawbacks of the
trend
Use synonyms
 given, and it is really difficult to decide whether the
trend
Use synonyms
 is positive or negative.
However
Linking Words
, I support the idea the view that there are much more flaws in the issue.
People
Use synonyms
 should take much more time to think carefully about the pros and cons of the
trend
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay presents relevant points, it would benefit from more detailed examples and statistical data to support the arguments. This would strengthen the overall task response.
task achievement
Consider revising the thesis statement to clearly state your stance on the topic. This will enhance the clarity of your argument throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is fully developed with clear topic sentences and concluding sentences. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical and phrasing issues that could be refined for better clarity. For example, "The population of a city increases, so the amount of vehicles on the road and other problems" can be clearer as "As the population of a city increases, so does the number of vehicles on the road, leading to other problems."
general
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have outlined both sides of the argument (advantages and disadvantages), which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
The points made are relevant to the topic and provide a foundation for discussion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • metropolitan
  • infrastructure
  • cost of living
  • public transportation
  • pollution
  • congestion
  • social isolation
  • cultural amenities
  • job market
  • healthcare facilities
  • educational institutions
  • crime rate
What to do next:
Look at other essays: